For decades now I have believed that by changing the way I think about the world I change my experience of the world.
For example, if I am sitting in a room with a number of people and I think they are supportive of me, I more than likely will experience peace. In the same way, if I am sitting with this same group of people and believe they are out to get me, I will experience fear. Whether I experience peace or fear is dictated by my thinking. And if someone acts in a way that I believe is insanely, and my thinking is that they are good yet behaving in a way that is not helpful to him or her, I will feel love, not fear; I will give peace, not judgment.
Likewise, if I declare that I don't like someone, my experience will be dictated by that. Or if I decide that I like the person, my experience will be dictated by that as well. And since your experience of the world is dictated by how you think about it, change your thinking about the world and you change how your experience the world.
However, while this belief has indeed been true in my life, I am now learning that the belief in itself is far too limiting! Take a look at this excerpt from Lesson 132 from A Course in Miracles.
"Belief is powerful indeed. The thoughts you hold are mighty, and illusions are as strong in their effects as is the truth...The world is nothing in itself. Your mind must give it meaning. And what you behold upon it are your wishes, acted out so you can look on them and think them real...There is no world apart from what you wish, and herein lies your ultimate release. Change but your mind on what you want to see, and all the world must change accordingly."
Yes, change your mind about the world and you change your experience of the world. But this excerpt is telling us that as we change our thinking about the world, we change the world!
As I continue to progress along this path of making practicing forgiveness a daily part of my life, I am seeing this more and more. And if this is my dream, how could it not be changed when I change my thinking? Healing of situations suddenly appear as I change my thinking. Broken relationships appear to suddenly repair themselves as I practice forgiveness. People's seeming destructive behaviors cease as I release my judgment and project forgiveness instead.
As we walk through this week, let's look for times when the world changes as we practice forgiveness. It's really quite remarkable!
As we change our thinking about the world, we change the world.
In Joy,
Michael
Monday, October 19, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Business Busy
Because I want the peace of God, I remember that I am dreaming.
Over the last eight weeks I have found myself in "business busy" mode. This usually means that I have been so caught up in the dream I call my life that I have been "spiritually coasting" - that is, keeping the Holy Spirit grin on my face but not doing any focused work on my spiritual self. I feel in a sense that it has been a lot like being the hamster running on the wheel: expending a lot of energy, but not really going anywhere. And I forgive myself. Of course I know that learning comes even in seeming stagnation, and for this I am thankful.
In the Disappearance of the Universe, Arten reminds us how we give ourselves problems as a way of keeping us focused on the outer world. As he explains, problems are the ego's sure-fired defense against looking at and addressing the only true issue we all have -- our sense of separation from God -- an issue that can only be solved by going within.
When I accept even for the briefest of moments that I am truly home with God, when I find myself accepting, even if only for a brief period, that this is all my dream, this acceptance changes everything. How can I get irritated when a relative seems to be repeating the same old destructive pattern, when I am the one who is creating this? How can I get frustrated with the economy, when I am creating it. How can I get frustrated when a red light is taking too long to change, when it is all my dream? How can I beat myself up over something I did or didn't do yesterday, or did or didn't do 15 years ago, when I am really home with God?
Four years ago during the planning sessions that initiated our Practicing Forgiveness group, our planning team of four chose the following from The Disappearance of the Universe as the grounding statement that would start every Practicing Forgiveness meeting.
Because I want the peace of God, I remember that I am dreaming.
I forgive my projected images and myself for dreaming them.
I trust the Holy Spirit and choose His strength.
While the words had meaning to me then, they ring so much truer now. Walking on this forgiveness journey continues to show me the peace that comes with remembering. And while I don't always even want to remember, when I finally come to myself and do remember that I am spirit, home with God, the peace that comes - the relaxation and joy in the moment - is wonderful.
Here's to a week of remembering and forgiving!
In Joy,
Michael
Over the last eight weeks I have found myself in "business busy" mode. This usually means that I have been so caught up in the dream I call my life that I have been "spiritually coasting" - that is, keeping the Holy Spirit grin on my face but not doing any focused work on my spiritual self. I feel in a sense that it has been a lot like being the hamster running on the wheel: expending a lot of energy, but not really going anywhere. And I forgive myself. Of course I know that learning comes even in seeming stagnation, and for this I am thankful.
In the Disappearance of the Universe, Arten reminds us how we give ourselves problems as a way of keeping us focused on the outer world. As he explains, problems are the ego's sure-fired defense against looking at and addressing the only true issue we all have -- our sense of separation from God -- an issue that can only be solved by going within.
When I accept even for the briefest of moments that I am truly home with God, when I find myself accepting, even if only for a brief period, that this is all my dream, this acceptance changes everything. How can I get irritated when a relative seems to be repeating the same old destructive pattern, when I am the one who is creating this? How can I get frustrated with the economy, when I am creating it. How can I get frustrated when a red light is taking too long to change, when it is all my dream? How can I beat myself up over something I did or didn't do yesterday, or did or didn't do 15 years ago, when I am really home with God?
Four years ago during the planning sessions that initiated our Practicing Forgiveness group, our planning team of four chose the following from The Disappearance of the Universe as the grounding statement that would start every Practicing Forgiveness meeting.
Because I want the peace of God, I remember that I am dreaming.
I forgive my projected images and myself for dreaming them.
I trust the Holy Spirit and choose His strength.
While the words had meaning to me then, they ring so much truer now. Walking on this forgiveness journey continues to show me the peace that comes with remembering. And while I don't always even want to remember, when I finally come to myself and do remember that I am spirit, home with God, the peace that comes - the relaxation and joy in the moment - is wonderful.
Here's to a week of remembering and forgiving!
In Joy,
Michael
Sunday, July 26, 2009
The Impact of Guilt
Have you ever noticed the amazing impact that GUILT has in your life?
I've known for sometime that when I feel guilty about something, I put obstacles in my way. As early as age 13 I recognized at least some of the impact of my guilt. I can remember "dating" several girls that I knew I had no business spending time with (e.g., I though they were cute but I really didn't like being with them that much or they were someone else's girlfriend). Inevitably as I sensed the relationship was getting to the point where we would actually "make out" I would catch a cold - making kissing not possible. It was like clock work. It happened over and over again.
There is a passage in The Disappearance of the Universe in which Arten explains to Gary that if he didn't feel guilty about eating chocolate, he wouldn't break out every time he did.
Have you ever noticed the amazing impact that GUILT has in your life?
The other day I had an extreme example of the impact of my guilt. And even as I went through it, I knew what was going on and could only smile and shake my head as I watched my guilt manifest. In a strange way, it was like watching a dream or a movie. Instead of getting upset or feeling tense, I could look on what I had created and think, "This is what it is, and nothing more."
What happened exactly? Hang on for the movie I'll call, "Guilt In Action" or "And on the Eighth Day, Michael Created Guilt" (or more accurately, the "first" day). I'll use numbers to break up the narrative.
1. On this Sunday evening, I had a 5:50 flight to New Orleans because I was speaking at 10:30 the next day to what turned out to be over 300 people on strategic planning.
2. Atlanta is the busiest airport in the world, and Sunday afternoon at the Atlanta airport is typically the busiest time in the busiest airport, as thousands of weekend travelers returning home mix with thousands of business travelers flying out for the week. It is truly controlled chaos.
3. When I have to fly out on Sunday afternoons, I like leaving my home AT LEAST 2.5 hours ahead of time, if not earlier. So for a 5:50 flight, I had planned to leave at 3:15.
4. At 3:00, I was on the computer wanting to finish up something. I knew I needed to leave, I could feel my inner guide encouraging me to go, but I really wanted to finish what I was doing, even though it wasn't that important - I was just feeling willful. And ... I felt guilty about my willfulness. Unconsciously perhaps I was saying to myself, "You know you should be leaving. You know you should be listening to your inner guide. You know you should..." (A person once told me, "You have to stop 'should-ing' on yourself." She is SO right!)
5. It's 3:35 and I finally get in my car, 20 minutes later than I "should" be leaving. Except, the car doesn't start. Now I drive a Lexus and have done so for 15 years. One reason is because you don't have to worry about them not starting. I thought, "Wow, I must have left the lights on or something."
6. I don't panic. I have cables in my trunk (primarily to be able to help out other people). I get my wife to give me a jump and I am on my way. I let my wife know that I am going to stop by the office to pick up brochures, but I'll be on the expressway long enough to recharge the battery.
7. It's 4:10. I get to the office, pick up the brochures, jump back into the car. Except, the car doesn't start.
8. The parking lot of the office building is deserted. I remember thinking, "Okay, I have projected this for my healing. How is this one going to work out, God?"
9. I remember that the management company has a security vehicle that drives back and forth to check on the various buildings they manage in the area. I go to our receptionist's desk, find the telephone number for security and call. My call rolls to voice mail which gives me another number to call in case of an emergency. I call the emergency number. I let it ring, and ring, and ring, 20 times...no answer. I remember thinking, "Wow, I'll need to let them know the emergency number doesn't work some times."
10. I'm thinking through options. I call my DISCOVER Emergency Road Assistance number. Though I'm feeling pressed for time (or perhaps because of it), I get someone who takes me through what feels like 10 minutes of Q&A before she finally says they can get someone there and the cost will be $70. I explain to her that I am a member of the program, have been paying $25/month for over 10 years, this is the second time I used the service and I'm sure there is no additional fee. She explains what she sees on her computer and it is $70. I do a quick 5-second check-in with my inner guide, "Just pay the $70 or escalate?" I escalate and ask, "Is it possible that I can speak to your manager because I would like to get an explanation of this."
11. I'm on hold...and on hold...still holding...
12. After several minutes I notice someone drive up in the office building parking lot. Eureka!
13. I explain my situation and the need for a jump. She is more than happy to help, explains that she has no idea about cars or how to jump one, says that she is in a hurry as well, hands me her keys and runs into the building. What a trusting soul. I had never seen her before and haven't seen her since.
14. The good news is that her car starts fine. But when I go to find the hood release latch, I can't find it. I look everywhere: around the dashboard, the drivers seat, the outside hood. I get the sense that she probably won't know either. So...it feels so invasive, but I go ahead and open her glove compartment to get her car manual. Yes, it is there! I look up "hood." No, it isn't there. I realize this is an English car, so I'm trying to remember the name they use for "hood." I scan the index. There it is, "bonnet." The bonnet release button is on the passenger door. Now how much sense does that make? (I realize later that this makes a lot of sense. In England, they drive on the right side of the road. They moved the steering wheel for us Americans, but they didn't move the bonnet button!)
15. It's 4:40. I have 70 minutes to get to the gate. Possible, but I will have to put "pedal to the metal," and speed down the highway a lot more than a little bit. I realize though that if the problem is my battery, I will come back from New Orleans and will have a dead battery in the parking lot of the airport. I call Delta to check on possible later flights. "Mr. Wilkinson, there are two later flights, let me check on the status." I'm thinking that this is good and I'll just stop by Sears, get a new battery installed, and take a later flight. "But, Mr. Wilkinson, both flights are over-sold. I could put you on standby. But it is not likely that you would make it." Speed demon here I come.
16. It's 4:55. I am making good time...until I reach downtown. Traffic comes to a grinding halt. Not slow down, a full halt. I'm thinking, "It's a Sunday. What is this?" I turn on the radio just in time to hear the recap of a 4-2 Atlanta Braves baseball win, "Have a safe drive home." The game had just let out and 25,000 people are trying to drive home while I'm trying to get to the airport. I just shake my head and think, "Wow. I'm really doing it this time." Had I left when I had planned to leave...even with the other chaos, I still could have passed this point well before the game let out.
17. As we begin creeping along, I remember a way to get around the stadium and bypass the traffic. I take it, and it is indeed clear!
18. It's 5:15. I arrive at the airport, 35 minutes before flight time. I still have to get through security, but I am a CLEAR security card member and will be able to bypass most of the lines. But even with CLEAR, it still typically takes 30 or so minutes to get to the gate.
19. I get to the CLEAR line. There's no line! In fact there is not a single person there, not even the 2 or 3 CLEAR attendants. There is a sign, "Due to the inability to gain an extension in our credit lines, CLEAR is no longer in business." The sign is dated two days previously. I think, "Wow. This is just amazing."
20. It's 5:50. I get to the gate. I am the last person on board before they close the plane door!
21. It's 6:15. We are still at the gate. The captain announces, "We are having mechanical failure and will have to change planes. The new plane is on a different concourse at gate..." I could only smile and shake my head.
22. It's 7:15. We take off. Yeah!
23. It's 8:45. We are circling New Orleans...still circling...still circling. The pilot announces that New Orleans is experiencing severe storms and that the control tower is having planes circle until the storms pass. However, we are running out of fuel and will have to land in Baton Rouge to refuel. You could hear the collective groan from the passengers. I'm thinking, "Wow. This is truly unbelievable."
24. Once we land in Baton Rouge, a number of passengers are extremely vocal about the combined inconvenience of changing planes and having to land in Baton Rouge. The flight attendants catch the heavy dose of anger from the passengers. Unfortunately, one of the flight attendants became the lightening rod for animosity when she inadvertently gave her standard pre-exit pitch as we were landing in Baton Rouge, "You can pick up your luggage at ... if you have a connecting flight, please speak with..." - even though we were stopping just to refuel. As it turns out, a number of passengers demanded to get off the plane at Baton Rouge rather than continue on.
25. It's 9:50. We finally arrived in New Orleans - 3 hours late - even with the time zone change. I'm the last to get off the plane and a flight attendant says, "I noticed you were the only one smiling the entire time. You didn't seem to get upset at all about all this. Do you work for the airlines or something?" I didn't have the heart to tell her, "This was my dream. All this chaos, I created it. How could you not smile when you recognize it is you creating all this." I simply said, "It is what it is," and smiled out the door.
Have you ever noticed the amazing impact that GUILT has in your life?
As we practice forgiving ourselves and others, we release the guilt that creates much of the chaos in our lives. Perhaps if I had just spent 5 or 10 minutes at anytime in my journey reaffirming my guiltlessness I may have been able to release some of the experiences that came my way. "I am spirit, whole and innocent. All is forgiven and released."
At the same time, I do recognize that whether experiences are bypassed or not is perhaps not as important. Perhaps the greater point is how much more peace I felt going through the experience by understanding the dynamics of how my guilt can create chaos.
Be peaceful today my friend.
In Joy,
Michael
I've known for sometime that when I feel guilty about something, I put obstacles in my way. As early as age 13 I recognized at least some of the impact of my guilt. I can remember "dating" several girls that I knew I had no business spending time with (e.g., I though they were cute but I really didn't like being with them that much or they were someone else's girlfriend). Inevitably as I sensed the relationship was getting to the point where we would actually "make out" I would catch a cold - making kissing not possible. It was like clock work. It happened over and over again.
There is a passage in The Disappearance of the Universe in which Arten explains to Gary that if he didn't feel guilty about eating chocolate, he wouldn't break out every time he did.
Have you ever noticed the amazing impact that GUILT has in your life?
The other day I had an extreme example of the impact of my guilt. And even as I went through it, I knew what was going on and could only smile and shake my head as I watched my guilt manifest. In a strange way, it was like watching a dream or a movie. Instead of getting upset or feeling tense, I could look on what I had created and think, "This is what it is, and nothing more."
What happened exactly? Hang on for the movie I'll call, "Guilt In Action" or "And on the Eighth Day, Michael Created Guilt" (or more accurately, the "first" day). I'll use numbers to break up the narrative.
1. On this Sunday evening, I had a 5:50 flight to New Orleans because I was speaking at 10:30 the next day to what turned out to be over 300 people on strategic planning.
2. Atlanta is the busiest airport in the world, and Sunday afternoon at the Atlanta airport is typically the busiest time in the busiest airport, as thousands of weekend travelers returning home mix with thousands of business travelers flying out for the week. It is truly controlled chaos.
3. When I have to fly out on Sunday afternoons, I like leaving my home AT LEAST 2.5 hours ahead of time, if not earlier. So for a 5:50 flight, I had planned to leave at 3:15.
4. At 3:00, I was on the computer wanting to finish up something. I knew I needed to leave, I could feel my inner guide encouraging me to go, but I really wanted to finish what I was doing, even though it wasn't that important - I was just feeling willful. And ... I felt guilty about my willfulness. Unconsciously perhaps I was saying to myself, "You know you should be leaving. You know you should be listening to your inner guide. You know you should..." (A person once told me, "You have to stop 'should-ing' on yourself." She is SO right!)
5. It's 3:35 and I finally get in my car, 20 minutes later than I "should" be leaving. Except, the car doesn't start. Now I drive a Lexus and have done so for 15 years. One reason is because you don't have to worry about them not starting. I thought, "Wow, I must have left the lights on or something."
6. I don't panic. I have cables in my trunk (primarily to be able to help out other people). I get my wife to give me a jump and I am on my way. I let my wife know that I am going to stop by the office to pick up brochures, but I'll be on the expressway long enough to recharge the battery.
7. It's 4:10. I get to the office, pick up the brochures, jump back into the car. Except, the car doesn't start.
8. The parking lot of the office building is deserted. I remember thinking, "Okay, I have projected this for my healing. How is this one going to work out, God?"
9. I remember that the management company has a security vehicle that drives back and forth to check on the various buildings they manage in the area. I go to our receptionist's desk, find the telephone number for security and call. My call rolls to voice mail which gives me another number to call in case of an emergency. I call the emergency number. I let it ring, and ring, and ring, 20 times...no answer. I remember thinking, "Wow, I'll need to let them know the emergency number doesn't work some times."
10. I'm thinking through options. I call my DISCOVER Emergency Road Assistance number. Though I'm feeling pressed for time (or perhaps because of it), I get someone who takes me through what feels like 10 minutes of Q&A before she finally says they can get someone there and the cost will be $70. I explain to her that I am a member of the program, have been paying $25/month for over 10 years, this is the second time I used the service and I'm sure there is no additional fee. She explains what she sees on her computer and it is $70. I do a quick 5-second check-in with my inner guide, "Just pay the $70 or escalate?" I escalate and ask, "Is it possible that I can speak to your manager because I would like to get an explanation of this."
11. I'm on hold...and on hold...still holding...
12. After several minutes I notice someone drive up in the office building parking lot. Eureka!
13. I explain my situation and the need for a jump. She is more than happy to help, explains that she has no idea about cars or how to jump one, says that she is in a hurry as well, hands me her keys and runs into the building. What a trusting soul. I had never seen her before and haven't seen her since.
14. The good news is that her car starts fine. But when I go to find the hood release latch, I can't find it. I look everywhere: around the dashboard, the drivers seat, the outside hood. I get the sense that she probably won't know either. So...it feels so invasive, but I go ahead and open her glove compartment to get her car manual. Yes, it is there! I look up "hood." No, it isn't there. I realize this is an English car, so I'm trying to remember the name they use for "hood." I scan the index. There it is, "bonnet." The bonnet release button is on the passenger door. Now how much sense does that make? (I realize later that this makes a lot of sense. In England, they drive on the right side of the road. They moved the steering wheel for us Americans, but they didn't move the bonnet button!)
15. It's 4:40. I have 70 minutes to get to the gate. Possible, but I will have to put "pedal to the metal," and speed down the highway a lot more than a little bit. I realize though that if the problem is my battery, I will come back from New Orleans and will have a dead battery in the parking lot of the airport. I call Delta to check on possible later flights. "Mr. Wilkinson, there are two later flights, let me check on the status." I'm thinking that this is good and I'll just stop by Sears, get a new battery installed, and take a later flight. "But, Mr. Wilkinson, both flights are over-sold. I could put you on standby. But it is not likely that you would make it." Speed demon here I come.
16. It's 4:55. I am making good time...until I reach downtown. Traffic comes to a grinding halt. Not slow down, a full halt. I'm thinking, "It's a Sunday. What is this?" I turn on the radio just in time to hear the recap of a 4-2 Atlanta Braves baseball win, "Have a safe drive home." The game had just let out and 25,000 people are trying to drive home while I'm trying to get to the airport. I just shake my head and think, "Wow. I'm really doing it this time." Had I left when I had planned to leave...even with the other chaos, I still could have passed this point well before the game let out.
17. As we begin creeping along, I remember a way to get around the stadium and bypass the traffic. I take it, and it is indeed clear!
18. It's 5:15. I arrive at the airport, 35 minutes before flight time. I still have to get through security, but I am a CLEAR security card member and will be able to bypass most of the lines. But even with CLEAR, it still typically takes 30 or so minutes to get to the gate.
19. I get to the CLEAR line. There's no line! In fact there is not a single person there, not even the 2 or 3 CLEAR attendants. There is a sign, "Due to the inability to gain an extension in our credit lines, CLEAR is no longer in business." The sign is dated two days previously. I think, "Wow. This is just amazing."
20. It's 5:50. I get to the gate. I am the last person on board before they close the plane door!
21. It's 6:15. We are still at the gate. The captain announces, "We are having mechanical failure and will have to change planes. The new plane is on a different concourse at gate..." I could only smile and shake my head.
22. It's 7:15. We take off. Yeah!
23. It's 8:45. We are circling New Orleans...still circling...still circling. The pilot announces that New Orleans is experiencing severe storms and that the control tower is having planes circle until the storms pass. However, we are running out of fuel and will have to land in Baton Rouge to refuel. You could hear the collective groan from the passengers. I'm thinking, "Wow. This is truly unbelievable."
24. Once we land in Baton Rouge, a number of passengers are extremely vocal about the combined inconvenience of changing planes and having to land in Baton Rouge. The flight attendants catch the heavy dose of anger from the passengers. Unfortunately, one of the flight attendants became the lightening rod for animosity when she inadvertently gave her standard pre-exit pitch as we were landing in Baton Rouge, "You can pick up your luggage at ... if you have a connecting flight, please speak with..." - even though we were stopping just to refuel. As it turns out, a number of passengers demanded to get off the plane at Baton Rouge rather than continue on.
25. It's 9:50. We finally arrived in New Orleans - 3 hours late - even with the time zone change. I'm the last to get off the plane and a flight attendant says, "I noticed you were the only one smiling the entire time. You didn't seem to get upset at all about all this. Do you work for the airlines or something?" I didn't have the heart to tell her, "This was my dream. All this chaos, I created it. How could you not smile when you recognize it is you creating all this." I simply said, "It is what it is," and smiled out the door.
Have you ever noticed the amazing impact that GUILT has in your life?
As we practice forgiving ourselves and others, we release the guilt that creates much of the chaos in our lives. Perhaps if I had just spent 5 or 10 minutes at anytime in my journey reaffirming my guiltlessness I may have been able to release some of the experiences that came my way. "I am spirit, whole and innocent. All is forgiven and released."
At the same time, I do recognize that whether experiences are bypassed or not is perhaps not as important. Perhaps the greater point is how much more peace I felt going through the experience by understanding the dynamics of how my guilt can create chaos.
Be peaceful today my friend.
In Joy,
Michael
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
The Attention Grabber
One of the great things for me about participating in the practicing forgiveness group and sending these emails is that these activities help keep the idea of forgiveness in my awareness. A Course in Miracles calls it being "miracle ready." So when a situation calls for forgiveness, at least I'm more likely to recognize it.
Like the other day.
I was on a nine-seater airplane going from Boston to Vermont for my 30th college reunion. You know you are on a small plane when they weigh your carry-on bag and ask for your weight! There was the pilot and 5 passengers. Four passengers were associated with the college and we spent the early part of the 60-minute flight learning about each other and talking about the college. The fifth passenger was seated alone behind me and she announced about 10 minutes into the flight, "That's not fair. No one's talking to me."
Of course, the forgiving thing to do would have been to say something like, "I'm sorry, we didn't mean to exclude you. Please join in." Yet my first thought was judgment, "How rude of this 30-something princess who is obviously used to being the center of attention." And of course, judgment seeks out justification. And so when her entire conversation centered on her and her experiences, without any interest in learning about any of us, I felt confirmed in my judgment. The others slowly drifted out of the conversation, leaving me to "interact" with our fifth passenger.
And then I caught myself.
When I find myself judging, one of my favorite reminders is, "Jesus would have no problem with this person, so why am I?" It's a wake-up call and a reminder that everything anyone of us does is either an act of love or a call for love, and we respond with love. (Further, since this is my dream, her call for love is really my call for love.)
When I began seeing this person as a child of God and (not a snotty-nosed, selfish kid) my desire to judge melted away and my only desire was to support. I found myself asking her, "Why don't you ask me about me?" She smiled as if remembering, "Right, that is important to do." The conversation transformed from a one-way monologue to an actual dialogue.
As the flight continued, so did my lesson.
There is no bathroom on a nine-seater plane. About 30 minutes before landing, she announced to everyone that she had a urinary tract infection and had to go to the bathroom and couldn't wait and wanted to know what to do. The expressions on the faces of my fellow passengers and the pilot spoke volumes. No one wanted to make an emergency landing. And it was clear that several felt it was, once more, an attention-grabbing action by our fifth passenger. The pilot delicately handled the situation, talked her through the alternatives, and reached a resolution. And behind the broad backs of a couple of the male passengers, she moved to the back of the plane and used a bag for nausea to relieve herself. (Good thing we didn't have to weigh the bag!) While a very uncomfortable situation, she handled it with grace. And I could focus on that instead of the traits I had "seen" in the beginning.
My lesson? When you start with judgment, you look for reasons to confirm your judgment. When you start with love, you look for reasons to confirm love. What you see is indeed based on what you are seeing with. Let's see with love today!
In Joy,
Michael
Like the other day.
I was on a nine-seater airplane going from Boston to Vermont for my 30th college reunion. You know you are on a small plane when they weigh your carry-on bag and ask for your weight! There was the pilot and 5 passengers. Four passengers were associated with the college and we spent the early part of the 60-minute flight learning about each other and talking about the college. The fifth passenger was seated alone behind me and she announced about 10 minutes into the flight, "That's not fair. No one's talking to me."
Of course, the forgiving thing to do would have been to say something like, "I'm sorry, we didn't mean to exclude you. Please join in." Yet my first thought was judgment, "How rude of this 30-something princess who is obviously used to being the center of attention." And of course, judgment seeks out justification. And so when her entire conversation centered on her and her experiences, without any interest in learning about any of us, I felt confirmed in my judgment. The others slowly drifted out of the conversation, leaving me to "interact" with our fifth passenger.
And then I caught myself.
When I find myself judging, one of my favorite reminders is, "Jesus would have no problem with this person, so why am I?" It's a wake-up call and a reminder that everything anyone of us does is either an act of love or a call for love, and we respond with love. (Further, since this is my dream, her call for love is really my call for love.)
When I began seeing this person as a child of God and (not a snotty-nosed, selfish kid) my desire to judge melted away and my only desire was to support. I found myself asking her, "Why don't you ask me about me?" She smiled as if remembering, "Right, that is important to do." The conversation transformed from a one-way monologue to an actual dialogue.
As the flight continued, so did my lesson.
There is no bathroom on a nine-seater plane. About 30 minutes before landing, she announced to everyone that she had a urinary tract infection and had to go to the bathroom and couldn't wait and wanted to know what to do. The expressions on the faces of my fellow passengers and the pilot spoke volumes. No one wanted to make an emergency landing. And it was clear that several felt it was, once more, an attention-grabbing action by our fifth passenger. The pilot delicately handled the situation, talked her through the alternatives, and reached a resolution. And behind the broad backs of a couple of the male passengers, she moved to the back of the plane and used a bag for nausea to relieve herself. (Good thing we didn't have to weigh the bag!) While a very uncomfortable situation, she handled it with grace. And I could focus on that instead of the traits I had "seen" in the beginning.
My lesson? When you start with judgment, you look for reasons to confirm your judgment. When you start with love, you look for reasons to confirm love. What you see is indeed based on what you are seeing with. Let's see with love today!
In Joy,
Michael
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Best forgiveness practices
Good Morning!
What are your best practices for forgiveness?
A couple of weeks ago in the Practicing Forgiveness group, we identified our best strategies for practicing forgiveness. We were answering the question, "When you find yourself in a situation which calls for forgiveness, what are some of the things you do?"
I thought you might find the responses helpful.
For some of us, it’s about remembering or changing our thinking
• Repeat an affirmation, “I trust that these circumstances are leading to my wholeness”
• Remember, “I could see peace instead of this”
• Remember, “Seek not to change the person. Just change your mind about the person.”
• When I think someone should change, I think about how I could change my thoughts
• Remember, “Everything is either an act of love or a call for love. And I respond with love.”
• Remember, “I have projected this for my healing.”
• Remember, “Love lets go of everything that is unlike itself.”
• Remember, “Jesus would not have a problem with this person, and so why do I?”
• When judging someone, I’ll suddenly realize I should send them love instead
• When I get frustrated, I ask myself who is being harmed by my frustration
• Give the forgiveness blessing from Your Immortal Reality: “You are spirit, whole and innocent. All is forgiven and released.”
• Repeat the forgiveness thought process from Disappearance of the Universe: “You are not really there. If I thing you are guilty and the cause of the problem, and if I made you up, then the imagined guilt and sin must be in me. But since the separation from God never occurred, then I forgive 'both' of us for what we haven't done. Now there is only innocence and I join with the Holy Spirit in peace.”
For others it is about listening, reading, or writing
• While whining about what someone “did to me”, I’ll hear a small voice say the truth, “Did they really?”
• Wait patiently for guidance
• Read, especially A Course in Miracles
• Read spiritual literature
• Journal in the Voice of the Holy Spirit talking to me
• Write a poem
• Write what I don’t like, and own it
And still with others, it’s time for action!
• Help someone in need
• Get listened to
• When I want someone to go away, I smile and truly listen to them
• Pray, talk to God
• Ask, "What should I do?"
• Just release and affirm self-love and acceptance
• Breathe and go into “Don’t know”
• Draw an altar and write an issue on it
• Trust, have faith
I hope you may find one or more strategies to add to your list of best practices for practicing forgiveness as a daily way of life!
In Joy,
Michael
What are your best practices for forgiveness?
A couple of weeks ago in the Practicing Forgiveness group, we identified our best strategies for practicing forgiveness. We were answering the question, "When you find yourself in a situation which calls for forgiveness, what are some of the things you do?"
I thought you might find the responses helpful.
For some of us, it’s about remembering or changing our thinking
• Repeat an affirmation, “I trust that these circumstances are leading to my wholeness”
• Remember, “I could see peace instead of this”
• Remember, “Seek not to change the person. Just change your mind about the person.”
• When I think someone should change, I think about how I could change my thoughts
• Remember, “Everything is either an act of love or a call for love. And I respond with love.”
• Remember, “I have projected this for my healing.”
• Remember, “Love lets go of everything that is unlike itself.”
• Remember, “Jesus would not have a problem with this person, and so why do I?”
• When judging someone, I’ll suddenly realize I should send them love instead
• When I get frustrated, I ask myself who is being harmed by my frustration
• Give the forgiveness blessing from Your Immortal Reality: “You are spirit, whole and innocent. All is forgiven and released.”
• Repeat the forgiveness thought process from Disappearance of the Universe: “You are not really there. If I thing you are guilty and the cause of the problem, and if I made you up, then the imagined guilt and sin must be in me. But since the separation from God never occurred, then I forgive 'both' of us for what we haven't done. Now there is only innocence and I join with the Holy Spirit in peace.”
For others it is about listening, reading, or writing
• While whining about what someone “did to me”, I’ll hear a small voice say the truth, “Did they really?”
• Wait patiently for guidance
• Read, especially A Course in Miracles
• Read spiritual literature
• Journal in the Voice of the Holy Spirit talking to me
• Write a poem
• Write what I don’t like, and own it
And still with others, it’s time for action!
• Help someone in need
• Get listened to
• When I want someone to go away, I smile and truly listen to them
• Pray, talk to God
• Ask, "What should I do?"
• Just release and affirm self-love and acceptance
• Breathe and go into “Don’t know”
• Draw an altar and write an issue on it
• Trust, have faith
I hope you may find one or more strategies to add to your list of best practices for practicing forgiveness as a daily way of life!
In Joy,
Michael
Thursday, June 11, 2009
I know I need to forgive when...
I know I need to forgive when...
Do you remember the Jeff Foxworthy comedy routine, "You know you are a red neck if..."? Well we had some fun in a recent Practicing Forgiveness class when we answered the question, "I know I need to forgive when..." What was really fun was when several us of had the same answers! I've grouped the answers below. How many of these are true for you?
I know I need to forgive when...
My Focus
• My thoughts are focused on negative
• I'm focused on the unhappy dream
• I am obsessed
• I'm not present
• Being listen to by someone doesn't stop my mind's examination
• I rerun a conversation 10 times
• I plan strategies and replies
• I play a victim song in my head
• I can't wait to "share" my experience of being a victim
Negativity/Fear
• I am scared
• I get frustrated
• I am anxious
• I am angry or upset
• I'm yelling at someone I love
• I'm yelling
It's About Them
• I want the other person to change
• I'm judging someone else
• I'm seeing someone else as the problem
• I want someone else to go away
Activity
• I'm rushing to get to work on time
• I'm doing things that I know aren't in my best interest
Do you see yourself in this list or do you have your own special signs that say to you that forgiveness is the need? And what do you do when you know you need to forgive? What are your best strategies for remembering to forgive and for addressing your need to forgive? In an upcoming message I look forward to sharing best practices for forgiveness that members of the Practicing Forgiveness group said they used.
May this day be filled with our remembering the important role we play in God's plan for salvation and forgiveness!
In Joy,
Michael
Do you remember the Jeff Foxworthy comedy routine, "You know you are a red neck if..."? Well we had some fun in a recent Practicing Forgiveness class when we answered the question, "I know I need to forgive when..." What was really fun was when several us of had the same answers! I've grouped the answers below. How many of these are true for you?
I know I need to forgive when...
My Focus
• My thoughts are focused on negative
• I'm focused on the unhappy dream
• I am obsessed
• I'm not present
• Being listen to by someone doesn't stop my mind's examination
• I rerun a conversation 10 times
• I plan strategies and replies
• I play a victim song in my head
• I can't wait to "share" my experience of being a victim
Negativity/Fear
• I am scared
• I get frustrated
• I am anxious
• I am angry or upset
• I'm yelling at someone I love
• I'm yelling
It's About Them
• I want the other person to change
• I'm judging someone else
• I'm seeing someone else as the problem
• I want someone else to go away
Activity
• I'm rushing to get to work on time
• I'm doing things that I know aren't in my best interest
Do you see yourself in this list or do you have your own special signs that say to you that forgiveness is the need? And what do you do when you know you need to forgive? What are your best strategies for remembering to forgive and for addressing your need to forgive? In an upcoming message I look forward to sharing best practices for forgiveness that members of the Practicing Forgiveness group said they used.
May this day be filled with our remembering the important role we play in God's plan for salvation and forgiveness!
In Joy,
Michael
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Judgment
"I am working on my judgment of others, but what bothers me is when other people judge me."
This is a paraphrase from The Disappearance of the Universe (DU) when Gary, who is diligently doing his forgiveness homework, expresses his frustration over other people judging him. Of course, Pursah reminds him that the judgment of others is nothing more than his self judgment - because this is HIS dream, not someone else's. He created the images that are acting out for him. So the judgment he is feeling from others is nothing more than the judgment he feels about himself.
For many of us, it is difficult to accept the "this is your dream" foundation that is critical to understanding non-dualism and also a key to truly experiencing and expressing the unconditional love of God. Yet, even with the understanding we have, we do know that if the judgment of others bothers us, there is healing and forgiveness to be done!
I am working on my judgment of others, but what bothers me is when other people judge me.
I sit on an international board for my profession and over the past several monthly conference calls, I have found my irritation growing over a board member whom I experienced as frequently cutting me off in mid-conversation and expressing directly or implying indirectly that my opinion on a point was irrelevant. Joe and I have different communication styles and place priorities on different things and have disagreed from time to time on policy. At the same time, I have admired Joe for his energy level, thoughtfulness, and relationship building skills.
I was particularly pleased that I felt great about Joe despite the rising irritation. However, as we know from A Course in Miracles, mild irritation is just a mask for compressed rage. And I recognized that I was far from "joining" with my brother...and more and more I was focusing on the unhappy dream of the irritation and less on the happy dream of all that he brings to the board.
So I called him.
"Joe, I think of you as the type of person who is great about recognizing the strengths of others and helping people feel good about themselves. I'm concerned because over the last few board meetings, I've walked away feeling less about myself. I've walked away feeling like my opinion didn't count to you and my words were irrelevant. Can we talk about this because I'm concerned I may have done something that caused this."
We joined. And it was a highly healing moment as I got to see his view and his intentions and he got to see mine. We found the areas of tension and both agreed we didn't want them. We honored each other and identified a "code word" we would use in board meetings when either of us felt the tension between us rising. My biggest learning was that it would be helpful for me to step back - even in a board meeting - and say, "I'm feeling cut-off here and that my opinion doesn't matter. Is it okay if we take a little more time on this?"
By the end of the conversation, we gave one another virtual hugs through the phone line. And I'm actually looking forward to our next board meeting!
In Joy,
Michael
This is a paraphrase from The Disappearance of the Universe (DU) when Gary, who is diligently doing his forgiveness homework, expresses his frustration over other people judging him. Of course, Pursah reminds him that the judgment of others is nothing more than his self judgment - because this is HIS dream, not someone else's. He created the images that are acting out for him. So the judgment he is feeling from others is nothing more than the judgment he feels about himself.
For many of us, it is difficult to accept the "this is your dream" foundation that is critical to understanding non-dualism and also a key to truly experiencing and expressing the unconditional love of God. Yet, even with the understanding we have, we do know that if the judgment of others bothers us, there is healing and forgiveness to be done!
I am working on my judgment of others, but what bothers me is when other people judge me.
I sit on an international board for my profession and over the past several monthly conference calls, I have found my irritation growing over a board member whom I experienced as frequently cutting me off in mid-conversation and expressing directly or implying indirectly that my opinion on a point was irrelevant. Joe and I have different communication styles and place priorities on different things and have disagreed from time to time on policy. At the same time, I have admired Joe for his energy level, thoughtfulness, and relationship building skills.
I was particularly pleased that I felt great about Joe despite the rising irritation. However, as we know from A Course in Miracles, mild irritation is just a mask for compressed rage. And I recognized that I was far from "joining" with my brother...and more and more I was focusing on the unhappy dream of the irritation and less on the happy dream of all that he brings to the board.
So I called him.
"Joe, I think of you as the type of person who is great about recognizing the strengths of others and helping people feel good about themselves. I'm concerned because over the last few board meetings, I've walked away feeling less about myself. I've walked away feeling like my opinion didn't count to you and my words were irrelevant. Can we talk about this because I'm concerned I may have done something that caused this."
We joined. And it was a highly healing moment as I got to see his view and his intentions and he got to see mine. We found the areas of tension and both agreed we didn't want them. We honored each other and identified a "code word" we would use in board meetings when either of us felt the tension between us rising. My biggest learning was that it would be helpful for me to step back - even in a board meeting - and say, "I'm feeling cut-off here and that my opinion doesn't matter. Is it okay if we take a little more time on this?"
By the end of the conversation, we gave one another virtual hugs through the phone line. And I'm actually looking forward to our next board meeting!
In Joy,
Michael
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
How do I stay focused on what I really believe?
How do I stay focused on what I really believe?
I have (again) been working with the workbook lessons from A Course in Miracles. This time around I am focusing on really doing each lesson. Accordingly, I have decided that I will do the same lesson up to three days or until I actually do it - which ever comes first. Well, it's the 140th day of the year and I'm on lesson 95. That should be a sign that it's taking me a while to actually "do" a lesson the way it was planned to be done. The last few lessons have focused on taking 5 minutes every waking hour to focus on the lesson for the day. Has this ever been a challenge for me. In fact, I've found myself going for long periods during the day without focusing on the lesson at all. (And I forgive myself.)
Then I get to lesson 95, one of those "In Your Face" lessons that certainly humbled me. The lesson states:
The use of the first five minutes of every waking hour for practicing the idea for the day has special advantages at the stage of learning in which you are at present. It is difficult at this point not to allow your mind to wander, if it undertakes extended practice. You have surely realized this by now. You have seen the extent of your lack of mental discipline, and of your need for mind training. It is necessary that you be aware of this, for it is indeed a hindrance to your advance. Frequent but shorter practice periods have other advantages for you at this time. In addition to recognizing your difficulties with sustained attention, you must also have noticed that, unless you are reminded of your purpose frequently, you tend to forget about it for long periods of time. You often fail to remember the short applications of the idea for the day, and you have not yet formed the habit of using the idea as an automatic response to temptation.
Structure, then, is necessary for you at this time, planned to include frequent reminders of your goal and regular attempts to reach it. Regularity in terms of time is not the ideal requirement for the most beneficial form of practice in salvation. It is advantageous, however, for those whose motivation is inconsistent, and who remain heavily defended against learning. We will, therefore, keep to the five-minutes-an-hour practice periods for a while, and urge you to omit as few as possible. Using the first five minutes of the hour will be particularly helpful, since it imposes firmer structure. Do not, however, use your lapses from this schedule as an excuse not to return to it again as soon as you can. There may well be a temptation to regard the day as lost because you have already failed to do what is required. This should, however, merely be recognized as what it is; a refusal to let your mistake be corrected, and an unwillingness to try again.
As the younger generation says these days, "You've been served!"
I do recognize that I am at my best when I remember my true home is with God. My family certainly experiences me at my best when I am remembering that I am spirit and when I am seeing them as spirit as well; when I am letting go and not making demands, but instead offering them the opportunity to be all that they can be.
So I affirm with you, as I see you affirming with me, that we will walk in hourly remembrance of who and what we are in truth. Spread the joy!
In Joy,
Michael
I have (again) been working with the workbook lessons from A Course in Miracles. This time around I am focusing on really doing each lesson. Accordingly, I have decided that I will do the same lesson up to three days or until I actually do it - which ever comes first. Well, it's the 140th day of the year and I'm on lesson 95. That should be a sign that it's taking me a while to actually "do" a lesson the way it was planned to be done. The last few lessons have focused on taking 5 minutes every waking hour to focus on the lesson for the day. Has this ever been a challenge for me. In fact, I've found myself going for long periods during the day without focusing on the lesson at all. (And I forgive myself.)
Then I get to lesson 95, one of those "In Your Face" lessons that certainly humbled me. The lesson states:
The use of the first five minutes of every waking hour for practicing the idea for the day has special advantages at the stage of learning in which you are at present. It is difficult at this point not to allow your mind to wander, if it undertakes extended practice. You have surely realized this by now. You have seen the extent of your lack of mental discipline, and of your need for mind training. It is necessary that you be aware of this, for it is indeed a hindrance to your advance. Frequent but shorter practice periods have other advantages for you at this time. In addition to recognizing your difficulties with sustained attention, you must also have noticed that, unless you are reminded of your purpose frequently, you tend to forget about it for long periods of time. You often fail to remember the short applications of the idea for the day, and you have not yet formed the habit of using the idea as an automatic response to temptation.
Structure, then, is necessary for you at this time, planned to include frequent reminders of your goal and regular attempts to reach it. Regularity in terms of time is not the ideal requirement for the most beneficial form of practice in salvation. It is advantageous, however, for those whose motivation is inconsistent, and who remain heavily defended against learning. We will, therefore, keep to the five-minutes-an-hour practice periods for a while, and urge you to omit as few as possible. Using the first five minutes of the hour will be particularly helpful, since it imposes firmer structure. Do not, however, use your lapses from this schedule as an excuse not to return to it again as soon as you can. There may well be a temptation to regard the day as lost because you have already failed to do what is required. This should, however, merely be recognized as what it is; a refusal to let your mistake be corrected, and an unwillingness to try again.
As the younger generation says these days, "You've been served!"
I do recognize that I am at my best when I remember my true home is with God. My family certainly experiences me at my best when I am remembering that I am spirit and when I am seeing them as spirit as well; when I am letting go and not making demands, but instead offering them the opportunity to be all that they can be.
So I affirm with you, as I see you affirming with me, that we will walk in hourly remembrance of who and what we are in truth. Spread the joy!
In Joy,
Michael
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Oh how our judgments can prevent us from seeing
Oh how our judgments can prevent us from seeing...
From the practicing forgiveness materials we know that it is our own judgments that bind us and all judgment is indeed self-judgment. As we judge others we are indeed judging ourselves. Those traits, those behaviors, those characteristics that most irritate us only point to those areas for healing within ourselves.
But of course "in real life," our egos can have a good time blaming others for our seeming misery.
Like the other day, my inkjet printer at home was not cooperating. My computer was saying "paper jam" - even though the printer was completely clear. After googling "Paper Jam for Inkjet Model XXXX", I learned that many other people had experienced this same issue of the mystical "paper jam" - but no solution was recorded on any of the sites I checked.
Alas, I had to contact HP online support. Having worked in the IT industry for many years, I "knew" that the online support meant spending 15 or 20 minutes answering all the basic questions from the preliminary screener so that they could figure out they couldn't solve my problem and would then pass me on to one of the "real" technical analysts.
So you may be able to imagine the additional judgment I felt when my preliminary screener indicated her name was Neeta ("Oh no, a call center in India") and when one of her first online communication was in broken English:
Neeta : May I know since how long have you been facing this issue?
I cringed as I imagined the 15-minute screening turning into 30 minutes before Neeta would pass me on to someone who could help me. After a few basic questions. Neeta got down to business.
Neeta : To print a self-test page, press and hold the Power button. Raise and lower the printer cover four times. Release the Power button, and the self-test page prints
As weird as that sounded (raise and lower the printer cover four times), I went ahead and tried it. Miracles...a test page printed! This also meant that Neeta understood that the problem wasn't the printer, since the paper did not jam. Neeta was gaining my confidence.
Neeta : Now click on start->run.
Neeta : Then type "services.msc".
Neeta : Then it will open the services window.
Neeta : Now please look for the option "print spooler".
Neeta : Okay, now , please right click on the option "print spooler" and click on stop then click on start, 3 times.
I did it, and sure enough, the "paper jam" message cleared. I gratefully thanked Neeta and went back to a couple of the sites and loaded the solution Neeta had shared with me.
Oh how our judgments can prevent us from seeing...
On reflection, I smiled and forgave myself for the judgments and the arrogance and I felt thankful to see the self-healing opportunity before me. May we all continue to be vigilant for the healing opportunities that arise in our lives!
In Joy,
Michael
From the practicing forgiveness materials we know that it is our own judgments that bind us and all judgment is indeed self-judgment. As we judge others we are indeed judging ourselves. Those traits, those behaviors, those characteristics that most irritate us only point to those areas for healing within ourselves.
But of course "in real life," our egos can have a good time blaming others for our seeming misery.
Like the other day, my inkjet printer at home was not cooperating. My computer was saying "paper jam" - even though the printer was completely clear. After googling "Paper Jam for Inkjet Model XXXX", I learned that many other people had experienced this same issue of the mystical "paper jam" - but no solution was recorded on any of the sites I checked.
Alas, I had to contact HP online support. Having worked in the IT industry for many years, I "knew" that the online support meant spending 15 or 20 minutes answering all the basic questions from the preliminary screener so that they could figure out they couldn't solve my problem and would then pass me on to one of the "real" technical analysts.
So you may be able to imagine the additional judgment I felt when my preliminary screener indicated her name was Neeta ("Oh no, a call center in India") and when one of her first online communication was in broken English:
Neeta : May I know since how long have you been facing this issue?
I cringed as I imagined the 15-minute screening turning into 30 minutes before Neeta would pass me on to someone who could help me. After a few basic questions. Neeta got down to business.
Neeta : To print a self-test page, press and hold the Power button. Raise and lower the printer cover four times. Release the Power button, and the self-test page prints
As weird as that sounded (raise and lower the printer cover four times), I went ahead and tried it. Miracles...a test page printed! This also meant that Neeta understood that the problem wasn't the printer, since the paper did not jam. Neeta was gaining my confidence.
Neeta : Now click on start->run.
Neeta : Then type "services.msc".
Neeta : Then it will open the services window.
Neeta : Now please look for the option "print spooler".
Neeta : Okay, now , please right click on the option "print spooler" and click on stop then click on start, 3 times.
I did it, and sure enough, the "paper jam" message cleared. I gratefully thanked Neeta and went back to a couple of the sites and loaded the solution Neeta had shared with me.
Oh how our judgments can prevent us from seeing...
On reflection, I smiled and forgave myself for the judgments and the arrogance and I felt thankful to see the self-healing opportunity before me. May we all continue to be vigilant for the healing opportunities that arise in our lives!
In Joy,
Michael
Thursday, April 30, 2009
There is no will but God's
There is no will but God's.
When I first encountered this lesson from A Course in Miracles, I fully recognized that I didn't understand it (read that: I was sure it didn't make sense!) Of course there were other wills out there...just look at all the crazy things people do. Heck, look at the crazy things I do. How could it be so that there is no will but God's?
These days, there is so much peace in this thought. As the review lesson says,
"I am safe today because there is no will but God's. I can become afraid only when I believe there is another will. I try to attack only when I am afraid, and only when I try to attack can I believe that my eternal safety is threatened. Today I will recognize that all this has not occurred. I am safe because there is no will but God's...Let me perceive this in accordance with the Will of God."
When I remember that I am spirit, there is never any question about my safety. I remember then that all that appears to happen in this world is just the path I have chosen to help me wake up. So, what about the so call tough times? What about we things seem to go really badly - a lost job, a cheating spouse, a hurt child, a natural disaster - do we grin and bear the so called tough times? No! We smile, join with God, and see the healing and beauty all around us as we see through the eyes of the Holy Spirit. And when our path brings forth something we perceive as a challenge, we remember when we can.
On a smaller note (remembering there is no order of difficulties in miracles) I'm going though one of those very intense work periods where I am getting minimal sleep to get everything done. My normal way is to forget the centering...let's just get the work done. I feel so blessed to have a different set of tools for seeing and living this experience.
Have a great day of remembering!
In Joy,
Michael
When I first encountered this lesson from A Course in Miracles, I fully recognized that I didn't understand it (read that: I was sure it didn't make sense!) Of course there were other wills out there...just look at all the crazy things people do. Heck, look at the crazy things I do. How could it be so that there is no will but God's?
These days, there is so much peace in this thought. As the review lesson says,
"I am safe today because there is no will but God's. I can become afraid only when I believe there is another will. I try to attack only when I am afraid, and only when I try to attack can I believe that my eternal safety is threatened. Today I will recognize that all this has not occurred. I am safe because there is no will but God's...Let me perceive this in accordance with the Will of God."
When I remember that I am spirit, there is never any question about my safety. I remember then that all that appears to happen in this world is just the path I have chosen to help me wake up. So, what about the so call tough times? What about we things seem to go really badly - a lost job, a cheating spouse, a hurt child, a natural disaster - do we grin and bear the so called tough times? No! We smile, join with God, and see the healing and beauty all around us as we see through the eyes of the Holy Spirit. And when our path brings forth something we perceive as a challenge, we remember when we can.
On a smaller note (remembering there is no order of difficulties in miracles) I'm going though one of those very intense work periods where I am getting minimal sleep to get everything done. My normal way is to forget the centering...let's just get the work done. I feel so blessed to have a different set of tools for seeing and living this experience.
Have a great day of remembering!
In Joy,
Michael
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Dawn's Forgiveness Lesson
Over the past week have had an email exchange with a wonderful person addressing dealing with a challenging forgiveness issue. She has given me permission to share the email exchange with you. I think many may find it a blessing. Please see below.
In Joy,
Michael
________________________________________
Dear Michael,
I am a friend of your mother's and she recommended that I read the Disappearance of the Universe to help me with my struggle to find peace with my husband's unfaithfulness, and to forgive him. His unfaithfulness happened during a dark time for us and I needed him, but he - I have discovered now several years later - was spending time with someone younger while at the same time being cold and distant with me. He ended the relationship before I found out and we renewed our vows for our 25th wedding anniversary before I found out, and really, he began working before that also to be not just a good husband, but sometimes a wonderful husband.
I can't forgive him, though. I am still stuck in that dark time when I was also hurt by the events in our life and needed him so much. What's more, he was unfaithful earlier in our marriage when we were younger and he knows how devastated I was by that. How could he hurt me like that again? He promised me he would make it up to me and this is how he did it?
On one level, I understand how vulnerable he was during this last time. Without going into the specifics, I would not wish that time on anyone and it was especially difficult for him. I really think he was clinically depressed during that time. He is a different man now and I know he still loves me and probably needs me to forgive him for part of his own healing. But there is this part of me that says I should not forgive him - no matter his new commitment and his constant attempts to prove to me that he is different and to earn my trust again - because (1.) it happened twice and it might happen again and (2.) because I think what would other women think if they knew I forgave him after all of this.
Funny, I didn't know all of this about my feelings until I just wrote it. Can you imagine a place where I could forgive him without losing my own sense of self and without being a fool?
You said "Remember, forgiveness is GIVING a heavenly interpretation FOR our earthly experience." Can you see how that should apply in my case?
I hope this is not too much of an imposition, but I am in such pain and conflict. And am embarrassed to talk to your mother about this yet again. She was so patient and wise with me the first time and I feel silly that just when our children have just finished college and moved out on their own, that I find myself in this place again. - Dawn (name changed)
________________________________________
Dawn:
What a blessing to be so clear on the forgiveness lesson before you!
And what an amazing spirit you have - can you feel it? What I mean is: even through the pain in your writing I could so clearly hear how much you want to once more feel love for him -- how much your loving soul wants so much to do what it was created to do -- to love as our Creator loves, loving without condition, loving without regard to whether we are loved back. I thank you and bless you for being such a witness to me of what it means to BE LOVE, to BE what we were created to be.
I have found the Forgiveness Chapter (7) from the Disappearance of the Universe very powerful, especially when Pursah shares the most important forgiveness lesson of her lifetime. If you haven't gotten to that chapter yet, you might find it helpful.
I want to ask you a key question: what is your fundamental starting point in forgiving someone? When I am faced with forgiveness opportunities in my life, I am usually so caught up in the particulars of the event, that I need something to pull me back to the truth. I call this my fundamental starting point in forgiveness.
For some people, their fundamental starting point is "God calls on us to forgive people. If I am going to be a good Christian, I must forgive, despite what they have done." For others, the starting point might be, "What you did to me was wrong, but if you knew better, you would have done better."
I think both these starting points make it very hard "to trust" someone again. In both cases you are hoping the person doesn't do it again, and you feel like a real fool if he or she does! These starting points can keep you pretty bound and untrusting.
Here are a few different starting points that you may find more freeing.
• I have given this situation ALL the meaning it has for me. I CHOOSE to give this a different meaning.
• Jesus would have no problem with you and would love you because He knows you were acting out of fear. I see your fear, I see beyond your fear, and I love you.
• You are spirit, whole and innocent. All is forgiven and released.
• I am spirit. I am home with God. I had forgotten and thought I was a body
• This is MY dream. You are not really there. If I think you are guilty and the cause of the problem, and if I made you up, then the seeming guilt must be in me. But since the separation from God never occurred, I forgive "both" of us for what we haven't really done. Now there is only innocence. And I join with the Holy Spirit in peace.
• There is no injustice in the world. This is MY dream. I HAVE projected this for my healing. THANK YOU for showing me where I need to heal. I forgive you for what I have done to myself. (This is my favorite!)
• Focus not on your brother's mistakes. Instead, focus on his happy dreams.
You might find it helpful to choose a starting point (or create your own) and stick with it for a while. Every time you think of the forgiveness experience, replace the thought with your starting point. Say it to yourself several times until you return to peace. The first few times it may take 10 minutes or more! Overtime you will likely find that when you think of the person, a feeling of love and joy will come as you heal inside.
Please keep in mind, Dawn, we are not called upon to be doormats. If a baby is beating on our chest, we recognize that the baby is upset and doesn't understand that there is a better way to express this. We don't punish the baby, we simply hold the baby at a distance to prevent the baby from hurting our bodies. In the same way, you may find that you may need to have some distance for a period as you take care of self. Keep in mind, that distance is without judgment. That distance is just for you.
I hope this is helpful to you as you continue your journey to express all that our Creator made you to be.
________________________________________
Michael:
I could not read your response clearly at first because my eyes filled with tears, I was so hungry for what you had to say. I had to go away from it and come back to see if I had read it correctly. Thank you for holding a mirror up for me to see myself. We never see ourselves clearly. Once, many years ago, a friend asked me what I stood for and I told him "LOVE." I said it without hesitation, but without much maturity of thought. I have much to say about LOVE, now. But simply put, I was born out of my parents' love for each other and I am the youngest of their twelve children so I have had an abundance of love all my life. In fact, as a child, I was adored by my mother and some of my brothers and sisters and neighbors. I loved to sing and dance and draw and write for everybody. I entertained them with great joy to myself. Love has always surrounded me and I have always attracted love. Perhaps that makes it easy for me to give love back; to BE LOVE, as you say. But it also contributed to the enormity of pain I feel that the person I chose to share the intimacies of love betrayed me.
You have helped me to remember the LOVE that is me and to know that I should cherish that about myself and see it as a kind of protection from the hurt and pain I have been feeling. Does that make sense to you? My husband did not grow up with that kind of love and I believe that part of what he found attractive about me was the love that I wear because I am wrapped in it. I am not saying that knowing love as a child is the only way to know love, but rather that I never had to find it. It has always been there for me.
I will read chapter 7 and let you know what I think.
To answer your question: "what is your fundamental starting point in forgiving someone?" I guess it is the discomfort I want to get rid of in holding on to not forgiving. Somewhere along the line I came to think that forgiving is really tied up with forgiving ourselves. I could have been a better comfort to my husband during our difficult time, but I was afraid too and I busy supporting our children who were also hurting. I did not understand his inability to be strong and keep going, no matter what. He withdrew from us emotionally and I was angry with him for that. In forgiving him, I can forgive myself for not being more giving and understanding of him.
I know that all of that is easier said than done, however. It is my ego, as I mentioned that keeps me in limbo. In some ways I feel traumatized by his actions and am afraid that he will hurt me again, in spite of his obvious changes. How could this man who sleeps in the same bed with me and shares my most private and sacred spaces, do this to me again when he knew how much he hurt me the first time? That is the obstacle; I am willing, at least for now, to be patient with the POWER of LOVE to allow it to help me overcome that obstacle.
________________________________________
Dawn:
Thanks for the feedback.
A final thought. Can you imagine walking into an insane asylum and having people in the institution laughing at you because of the way you walk or the way you talk or the clothes you have on? You would of course understand that their laughter is just part of their seeming illness, and it would have no impact on you. You would be untouched and unaltered by their actions, because you know that they are acting out of fear, paranoia, or some other form of mental illness.
In this same way, I'm excited for you as you learn more about the you that is LOVE, the you that is peace and the you that is untouched and unaltered by any action that you or anyone else seems to take in the world. You are indeed spirit. Can you imagine the LOVE that we can all freely express once we catch and live the real meaning of this statement? There would be no need to be afraid of any action anyone might take, because we are spirit. We are free to be LOVE without fear of what others might one day do. I believe this is where we are all heading...at our own pace...whenever we are ready.
The lessons may seem to be many but they are all the same: returning to the LOVE that we each are by letting go of all that is not LOVE.
________________________________________
Michael,
I am excited. What you just said makes perfect sense to me. It made me feel calm to remember that I do not need to protect myself from what might happen in the future or what someone might think about me for staying. There is nothing to protect myself from, because nothing was done to me. My only responsibility is to LOVE, and to accept the LOVE he wants to give me. Now, to keep remembering to remember that in truth. That is the challenge.
I thank you with all my heart.
Dawn
In Joy,
Michael
________________________________________
Dear Michael,
I am a friend of your mother's and she recommended that I read the Disappearance of the Universe to help me with my struggle to find peace with my husband's unfaithfulness, and to forgive him. His unfaithfulness happened during a dark time for us and I needed him, but he - I have discovered now several years later - was spending time with someone younger while at the same time being cold and distant with me. He ended the relationship before I found out and we renewed our vows for our 25th wedding anniversary before I found out, and really, he began working before that also to be not just a good husband, but sometimes a wonderful husband.
I can't forgive him, though. I am still stuck in that dark time when I was also hurt by the events in our life and needed him so much. What's more, he was unfaithful earlier in our marriage when we were younger and he knows how devastated I was by that. How could he hurt me like that again? He promised me he would make it up to me and this is how he did it?
On one level, I understand how vulnerable he was during this last time. Without going into the specifics, I would not wish that time on anyone and it was especially difficult for him. I really think he was clinically depressed during that time. He is a different man now and I know he still loves me and probably needs me to forgive him for part of his own healing. But there is this part of me that says I should not forgive him - no matter his new commitment and his constant attempts to prove to me that he is different and to earn my trust again - because (1.) it happened twice and it might happen again and (2.) because I think what would other women think if they knew I forgave him after all of this.
Funny, I didn't know all of this about my feelings until I just wrote it. Can you imagine a place where I could forgive him without losing my own sense of self and without being a fool?
You said "Remember, forgiveness is GIVING a heavenly interpretation FOR our earthly experience." Can you see how that should apply in my case?
I hope this is not too much of an imposition, but I am in such pain and conflict. And am embarrassed to talk to your mother about this yet again. She was so patient and wise with me the first time and I feel silly that just when our children have just finished college and moved out on their own, that I find myself in this place again. - Dawn (name changed)
________________________________________
Dawn:
What a blessing to be so clear on the forgiveness lesson before you!
And what an amazing spirit you have - can you feel it? What I mean is: even through the pain in your writing I could so clearly hear how much you want to once more feel love for him -- how much your loving soul wants so much to do what it was created to do -- to love as our Creator loves, loving without condition, loving without regard to whether we are loved back. I thank you and bless you for being such a witness to me of what it means to BE LOVE, to BE what we were created to be.
I have found the Forgiveness Chapter (7) from the Disappearance of the Universe very powerful, especially when Pursah shares the most important forgiveness lesson of her lifetime. If you haven't gotten to that chapter yet, you might find it helpful.
I want to ask you a key question: what is your fundamental starting point in forgiving someone? When I am faced with forgiveness opportunities in my life, I am usually so caught up in the particulars of the event, that I need something to pull me back to the truth. I call this my fundamental starting point in forgiveness.
For some people, their fundamental starting point is "God calls on us to forgive people. If I am going to be a good Christian, I must forgive, despite what they have done." For others, the starting point might be, "What you did to me was wrong, but if you knew better, you would have done better."
I think both these starting points make it very hard "to trust" someone again. In both cases you are hoping the person doesn't do it again, and you feel like a real fool if he or she does! These starting points can keep you pretty bound and untrusting.
Here are a few different starting points that you may find more freeing.
• I have given this situation ALL the meaning it has for me. I CHOOSE to give this a different meaning.
• Jesus would have no problem with you and would love you because He knows you were acting out of fear. I see your fear, I see beyond your fear, and I love you.
• You are spirit, whole and innocent. All is forgiven and released.
• I am spirit. I am home with God. I had forgotten and thought I was a body
• This is MY dream. You are not really there. If I think you are guilty and the cause of the problem, and if I made you up, then the seeming guilt must be in me. But since the separation from God never occurred, I forgive "both" of us for what we haven't really done. Now there is only innocence. And I join with the Holy Spirit in peace.
• There is no injustice in the world. This is MY dream. I HAVE projected this for my healing. THANK YOU for showing me where I need to heal. I forgive you for what I have done to myself. (This is my favorite!)
• Focus not on your brother's mistakes. Instead, focus on his happy dreams.
You might find it helpful to choose a starting point (or create your own) and stick with it for a while. Every time you think of the forgiveness experience, replace the thought with your starting point. Say it to yourself several times until you return to peace. The first few times it may take 10 minutes or more! Overtime you will likely find that when you think of the person, a feeling of love and joy will come as you heal inside.
Please keep in mind, Dawn, we are not called upon to be doormats. If a baby is beating on our chest, we recognize that the baby is upset and doesn't understand that there is a better way to express this. We don't punish the baby, we simply hold the baby at a distance to prevent the baby from hurting our bodies. In the same way, you may find that you may need to have some distance for a period as you take care of self. Keep in mind, that distance is without judgment. That distance is just for you.
I hope this is helpful to you as you continue your journey to express all that our Creator made you to be.
________________________________________
Michael:
I could not read your response clearly at first because my eyes filled with tears, I was so hungry for what you had to say. I had to go away from it and come back to see if I had read it correctly. Thank you for holding a mirror up for me to see myself. We never see ourselves clearly. Once, many years ago, a friend asked me what I stood for and I told him "LOVE." I said it without hesitation, but without much maturity of thought. I have much to say about LOVE, now. But simply put, I was born out of my parents' love for each other and I am the youngest of their twelve children so I have had an abundance of love all my life. In fact, as a child, I was adored by my mother and some of my brothers and sisters and neighbors. I loved to sing and dance and draw and write for everybody. I entertained them with great joy to myself. Love has always surrounded me and I have always attracted love. Perhaps that makes it easy for me to give love back; to BE LOVE, as you say. But it also contributed to the enormity of pain I feel that the person I chose to share the intimacies of love betrayed me.
You have helped me to remember the LOVE that is me and to know that I should cherish that about myself and see it as a kind of protection from the hurt and pain I have been feeling. Does that make sense to you? My husband did not grow up with that kind of love and I believe that part of what he found attractive about me was the love that I wear because I am wrapped in it. I am not saying that knowing love as a child is the only way to know love, but rather that I never had to find it. It has always been there for me.
I will read chapter 7 and let you know what I think.
To answer your question: "what is your fundamental starting point in forgiving someone?" I guess it is the discomfort I want to get rid of in holding on to not forgiving. Somewhere along the line I came to think that forgiving is really tied up with forgiving ourselves. I could have been a better comfort to my husband during our difficult time, but I was afraid too and I busy supporting our children who were also hurting. I did not understand his inability to be strong and keep going, no matter what. He withdrew from us emotionally and I was angry with him for that. In forgiving him, I can forgive myself for not being more giving and understanding of him.
I know that all of that is easier said than done, however. It is my ego, as I mentioned that keeps me in limbo. In some ways I feel traumatized by his actions and am afraid that he will hurt me again, in spite of his obvious changes. How could this man who sleeps in the same bed with me and shares my most private and sacred spaces, do this to me again when he knew how much he hurt me the first time? That is the obstacle; I am willing, at least for now, to be patient with the POWER of LOVE to allow it to help me overcome that obstacle.
________________________________________
Dawn:
Thanks for the feedback.
A final thought. Can you imagine walking into an insane asylum and having people in the institution laughing at you because of the way you walk or the way you talk or the clothes you have on? You would of course understand that their laughter is just part of their seeming illness, and it would have no impact on you. You would be untouched and unaltered by their actions, because you know that they are acting out of fear, paranoia, or some other form of mental illness.
In this same way, I'm excited for you as you learn more about the you that is LOVE, the you that is peace and the you that is untouched and unaltered by any action that you or anyone else seems to take in the world. You are indeed spirit. Can you imagine the LOVE that we can all freely express once we catch and live the real meaning of this statement? There would be no need to be afraid of any action anyone might take, because we are spirit. We are free to be LOVE without fear of what others might one day do. I believe this is where we are all heading...at our own pace...whenever we are ready.
The lessons may seem to be many but they are all the same: returning to the LOVE that we each are by letting go of all that is not LOVE.
________________________________________
Michael,
I am excited. What you just said makes perfect sense to me. It made me feel calm to remember that I do not need to protect myself from what might happen in the future or what someone might think about me for staying. There is nothing to protect myself from, because nothing was done to me. My only responsibility is to LOVE, and to accept the LOVE he wants to give me. Now, to keep remembering to remember that in truth. That is the challenge.
I thank you with all my heart.
Dawn
Thursday, April 16, 2009
There's not really any such thing as injustice
"If you know it's your dream, then there's a part of your mind that knows there's not really any such thing as injustice. You made it all up, and you got what you wanted for a reason. You got to keep your individuality and project the guilt for it on someone else at the same time. How convenient!" (The Disappearance of the Universe, p.252)
I've been working on a forgiveness lesson from earlier this week that seems to be taking me a little longer than usual to fully forgive. How do I know? Some elements of the disappointment I felt when the incident occurred seems to still be present when I think about it.
I am a member of a certification board that assesses candidates and training courses. To increase reliability and rigor, the assessment process is highly structured and requires two people involved in each assessment, an assessor and a reviewer. The goal in the rigor is to have the assessor and reviewer come to a consensus (not an average) on the scores across 30 competencies. If after discussion, they can't agree on a score for a particular competency, the reviewer's score is given precedence.
This particular assessment was challenging, as we were using a newly developed assessment model and assessing a member of the board of the organization. My goal was to take a dispassionate, analytical view of the process, without regard to the person being assessed. And, perhaps unfortunately, the application - even after requests for additional information - didn't meet the requirements as I saw them. The reviewer believed that I was being far too anal and focused on the "letter of the law." My disappointment came with his refusal to further discuss and "anal-yze" the specific competencies on which we disagreed prior to his decision to award the certification. I recognized the importance of his being able to make the final decision, but felt cut off and judged.
There's a part of your mind that knows there's not really any such thing as injustice.
And so, I remember the truth: "I have projected this for my healing. This is my dream. This is showing me where I have invested in seeing the world and not in seeing wholeness. Jesus would have no problem with my brother, why am I? This is either an act of love or a call for love, and in either case, I respond with love because love holds no grievances. I see my brother in the happy dream and do not fantasize about his errors. I am at peace."
And so it is!
In Joy,
Michael
I've been working on a forgiveness lesson from earlier this week that seems to be taking me a little longer than usual to fully forgive. How do I know? Some elements of the disappointment I felt when the incident occurred seems to still be present when I think about it.
I am a member of a certification board that assesses candidates and training courses. To increase reliability and rigor, the assessment process is highly structured and requires two people involved in each assessment, an assessor and a reviewer. The goal in the rigor is to have the assessor and reviewer come to a consensus (not an average) on the scores across 30 competencies. If after discussion, they can't agree on a score for a particular competency, the reviewer's score is given precedence.
This particular assessment was challenging, as we were using a newly developed assessment model and assessing a member of the board of the organization. My goal was to take a dispassionate, analytical view of the process, without regard to the person being assessed. And, perhaps unfortunately, the application - even after requests for additional information - didn't meet the requirements as I saw them. The reviewer believed that I was being far too anal and focused on the "letter of the law." My disappointment came with his refusal to further discuss and "anal-yze" the specific competencies on which we disagreed prior to his decision to award the certification. I recognized the importance of his being able to make the final decision, but felt cut off and judged.
There's a part of your mind that knows there's not really any such thing as injustice.
And so, I remember the truth: "I have projected this for my healing. This is my dream. This is showing me where I have invested in seeing the world and not in seeing wholeness. Jesus would have no problem with my brother, why am I? This is either an act of love or a call for love, and in either case, I respond with love because love holds no grievances. I see my brother in the happy dream and do not fantasize about his errors. I am at peace."
And so it is!
In Joy,
Michael
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Lessons on Vacation
While on vacation this week, it's been fun watching my ego at work. Vacation for me is a time of regeneration, with minimal activity. At the same time, for my family, vacation is time of excitement, new adventures, doing things we haven't done before, while keeping to some of our traditions.
Are you seeing room for ego conflict here?
In the Disappearance of the Universe, Arten explains that once we recognize that this seemingly life we are living is just a dream we can begin to accept that the only purpose in each day is for us to learn to listen and respond to the Holy Spirit's interpretation of the day. (Remember, forgiveness is GIVING a heavenly interpretation FOR our earthly experience.)
So as I have been walking through this week with a "Holy Spirit grin" on my face, I've been catching myself in petty judgments, conflicting conversations, and in a spirit of unwillingness to stop and listen to Spirit. If I were back at home with work demanding my attention, I'd have an excuse...I don't have time to be still. On vacation, this excuse is seriously hollow. But don't fault an ego for trying!
Please continue to me hold me in the light and see me joining with the truth that is within each of us...that same truth that is each of us...and spreading that truth wherever I am as I walk in the Spirit.
In Joy,
Michael
Are you seeing room for ego conflict here?
In the Disappearance of the Universe, Arten explains that once we recognize that this seemingly life we are living is just a dream we can begin to accept that the only purpose in each day is for us to learn to listen and respond to the Holy Spirit's interpretation of the day. (Remember, forgiveness is GIVING a heavenly interpretation FOR our earthly experience.)
So as I have been walking through this week with a "Holy Spirit grin" on my face, I've been catching myself in petty judgments, conflicting conversations, and in a spirit of unwillingness to stop and listen to Spirit. If I were back at home with work demanding my attention, I'd have an excuse...I don't have time to be still. On vacation, this excuse is seriously hollow. But don't fault an ego for trying!
Please continue to me hold me in the light and see me joining with the truth that is within each of us...that same truth that is each of us...and spreading that truth wherever I am as I walk in the Spirit.
In Joy,
Michael
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Crisis of Belief
I am facing a crisis of belief.
In his book Experiencing God, Henry Blackaby coins the phrase "a crisis of belief" to describe the time when your spiritual development and experience get you to the point where you recognize that your beliefs are out of align with your actions. In essence, you find yourself not "walking the talk." And you recognize that to continue your development, you have to...oh my...change.
A Course in Miracles calls it a period of unsettling, where you begin to recognize the valuable from the valueless. And, you know you want the valuable, but you seem to be continually making decisions for the valueless.
I am facing a crisis of belief.
Arten and Pursah in the Disappearance of the Universe underscore the point that by our ongoing practicing of forgiveness, we remember on a daily basis that we are spirit, at home with God. Yet my bodily-addicted ego would have me do otherwise. My ego wants me to continue to think I AM the body. And I can readily see that I have behaviors that continue to reinforce the importance of the body, or certain bodies, or certain body parts, or certain behaviors that glorify the body, or give pleasure to the body.
Let me not confuse the point. Enjoyment of the body is great! And Arten and Pursah make it clear, that we don't have to GIVE UP anything. The goal is to enjoy the body while seeing the complete unimportance. This means being willing to let go of all addictions when you are ready, being willing to see all bodies as the same when you are ready, and so on. And when I look at myself, I can see...I am still getting ready! And when I find myself giving high importance to the body, and not just enjoying it, I see the need for forgiving myself. I see the need for recognizing that in this moment I am still learning to let go. Yet that twinge of guilt is still present. And that too will have to be let go. Just the fact that I am reluctant to specifically identify my own addictions reminds me of the forgiveness needed.
You may also have behaviors that are getting in your way, behaviors not aligned with what you know to be true. You may be having your own crisis of belief. Please join me in knowing, as my father - a former Unity minister would say, "it has come to pass." As we continue to join with God, all that is unlike love will pass away!
In Joy,
Michael
In his book Experiencing God, Henry Blackaby coins the phrase "a crisis of belief" to describe the time when your spiritual development and experience get you to the point where you recognize that your beliefs are out of align with your actions. In essence, you find yourself not "walking the talk." And you recognize that to continue your development, you have to...oh my...change.
A Course in Miracles calls it a period of unsettling, where you begin to recognize the valuable from the valueless. And, you know you want the valuable, but you seem to be continually making decisions for the valueless.
I am facing a crisis of belief.
Arten and Pursah in the Disappearance of the Universe underscore the point that by our ongoing practicing of forgiveness, we remember on a daily basis that we are spirit, at home with God. Yet my bodily-addicted ego would have me do otherwise. My ego wants me to continue to think I AM the body. And I can readily see that I have behaviors that continue to reinforce the importance of the body, or certain bodies, or certain body parts, or certain behaviors that glorify the body, or give pleasure to the body.
Let me not confuse the point. Enjoyment of the body is great! And Arten and Pursah make it clear, that we don't have to GIVE UP anything. The goal is to enjoy the body while seeing the complete unimportance. This means being willing to let go of all addictions when you are ready, being willing to see all bodies as the same when you are ready, and so on. And when I look at myself, I can see...I am still getting ready! And when I find myself giving high importance to the body, and not just enjoying it, I see the need for forgiving myself. I see the need for recognizing that in this moment I am still learning to let go. Yet that twinge of guilt is still present. And that too will have to be let go. Just the fact that I am reluctant to specifically identify my own addictions reminds me of the forgiveness needed.
You may also have behaviors that are getting in your way, behaviors not aligned with what you know to be true. You may be having your own crisis of belief. Please join me in knowing, as my father - a former Unity minister would say, "it has come to pass." As we continue to join with God, all that is unlike love will pass away!
In Joy,
Michael
Thursday, March 19, 2009
IRS Representative
Often I find that A Course in Miracles is a bit esoteric and ethereal. Other times, it is just in your face. A recent Workbook lesson (71), was of the in-your-face variety.
The ego's plan for salvation centers around holding grievances. It maintains that, if someone else spoke or acted differently, if some external circumstance or event were changed, you would be saved. Thus, the source of salvation is constantly perceived as outside yourself. Each grievance you hold is a declaration, and an assertion in which you believe, that says, "If this were different, I would be saved." The change of mind necessary for salvation is thus demanded of everyone and everything except yourself.
This SO applies to me more often than I would want to admit.
I am a board member of a relatively new non-profit organization. Back in July, I filed an application with the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) for the organization to be granted non-profit status. Now, contrary to what may be the experience of others, I have had a fantastic relationship with the IRS and have always found them timely, helpful, and responsive. That is, until recently.
If this were different, I would be saved
It took six months, but in the middle of January, I received a call from an IRS representative indicating that she had a list of questions about the application and needed my fax number so she could fax and mail the questions. I called her back, got her voice mail and left my fax number. The next day, no fax. So I called her back, got her voice mail again, and left another message with my fax number. The next day, no fax. I called her again, and finally talked with her, gave her my fax number and she said she would fax it "by the end of the week." I remember thinking, "Why would it take until the end of the week? Why not today?" But, it's the IRS so I didn't say anything. By Monday the following week, no fax. I began feeling the seeds of frustration.
If this PERSON were different, I would be saved FROM THIS FRUSTRATION.
By this time, it is early February. I call again and again for the next few weeks, leaving messages, no fax. Then MSU sets in (Making Stuff Up - Courtesy of Holly Green, author of More than a Minute) - In my mind I make up the story, "So this is how some government workers make it look like they have a lot of work to do and so many open cases." And then I start reacting to my own MSU - "She should be fired. I need to let her boss know the poor level of service she provides."
If this PERSON were different, I would be saved FROM THIS POOR SERVICE.
By this time it is late February and my patience has worn thin. I ask the Executive Director of the non-profit to call this person twice a day until a response is gotten. In early March, the ED reported, "No fax."
And then I saw all the judgment I have heaped on the agent, all the MSU I created, and I remembered, "I have projected this for my healing. This is my dream and she is my symbol showing me an area in me needing healing." And I forgave her for what I was doing to myself.
Two days later I was driving to work and the thought occurred to call her. When the censoring thoughts came ("It's 7:30 in the morning, why would a..."), I quickly let them go and made the call. The IRS representative answered, apologized for her fax machine which she learned from another client was saying faxes were sent but were not being distributed. I had the fax the next day.
The change of mind necessary for salvation is thus demanded of everyone and everything except yourself.
Do you wonder how much time and frustration I could have saved by changing my mind the first time? I don't know about the time, but certainly a little forgiveness would have saved A LOT of frustration.
May you have a peace saving day today!
In Joy,
Michael
The ego's plan for salvation centers around holding grievances. It maintains that, if someone else spoke or acted differently, if some external circumstance or event were changed, you would be saved. Thus, the source of salvation is constantly perceived as outside yourself. Each grievance you hold is a declaration, and an assertion in which you believe, that says, "If this were different, I would be saved." The change of mind necessary for salvation is thus demanded of everyone and everything except yourself.
This SO applies to me more often than I would want to admit.
I am a board member of a relatively new non-profit organization. Back in July, I filed an application with the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) for the organization to be granted non-profit status. Now, contrary to what may be the experience of others, I have had a fantastic relationship with the IRS and have always found them timely, helpful, and responsive. That is, until recently.
If this were different, I would be saved
It took six months, but in the middle of January, I received a call from an IRS representative indicating that she had a list of questions about the application and needed my fax number so she could fax and mail the questions. I called her back, got her voice mail and left my fax number. The next day, no fax. So I called her back, got her voice mail again, and left another message with my fax number. The next day, no fax. I called her again, and finally talked with her, gave her my fax number and she said she would fax it "by the end of the week." I remember thinking, "Why would it take until the end of the week? Why not today?" But, it's the IRS so I didn't say anything. By Monday the following week, no fax. I began feeling the seeds of frustration.
If this PERSON were different, I would be saved FROM THIS FRUSTRATION.
By this time, it is early February. I call again and again for the next few weeks, leaving messages, no fax. Then MSU sets in (Making Stuff Up - Courtesy of Holly Green, author of More than a Minute) - In my mind I make up the story, "So this is how some government workers make it look like they have a lot of work to do and so many open cases." And then I start reacting to my own MSU - "She should be fired. I need to let her boss know the poor level of service she provides."
If this PERSON were different, I would be saved FROM THIS POOR SERVICE.
By this time it is late February and my patience has worn thin. I ask the Executive Director of the non-profit to call this person twice a day until a response is gotten. In early March, the ED reported, "No fax."
And then I saw all the judgment I have heaped on the agent, all the MSU I created, and I remembered, "I have projected this for my healing. This is my dream and she is my symbol showing me an area in me needing healing." And I forgave her for what I was doing to myself.
Two days later I was driving to work and the thought occurred to call her. When the censoring thoughts came ("It's 7:30 in the morning, why would a..."), I quickly let them go and made the call. The IRS representative answered, apologized for her fax machine which she learned from another client was saying faxes were sent but were not being distributed. I had the fax the next day.
The change of mind necessary for salvation is thus demanded of everyone and everything except yourself.
Do you wonder how much time and frustration I could have saved by changing my mind the first time? I don't know about the time, but certainly a little forgiveness would have saved A LOT of frustration.
May you have a peace saving day today!
In Joy,
Michael
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Forgiveness Principles
The Disappearance of the Universe has quickly become my favorite teaching device for learning to walk through this life as a spiritual being as opposed to a physical one. Far too often I still look up and find myself joining with the ego and thinking about myself as the physical Michael, or the husband Michael, or the business owner Michael, or the father Michael, or the son Michael, or the... on and on. And I am always comforted when I remember that I have made this choice only because I have temporarily forgotten who I am. And, at any time, I can choose to remember.
In the Disappearance of the Universe, we learn that one of the best tools for remembering is to start each day joining with the Holy Spirit. Our Practicing Forgiveness Group has adopted the following 7 Principles for Practicing Forgiveness as a way of joining.
1. In truth, right now, we are one in God. This has always been the truth, and truth never changes. And with truth comes the Peace of God.
2. We must let go of the belief that we are separate from God and separate from each other to experience the Peace of God.
3. When we forgive, we give up thoughts of separation for thoughts of Truth. It is our beliefs that seem to bind us and it is from these beliefs that we are set free.
4. When we forgive, we give a heavenly interpretation for our earthly experience. We see that what we think others did to us never occurred because this earthly experience is just a dream of separation.
5. When we forgive, we affirm our wholeness. We recognize that we are not bodies, we are one spirit. Whether we judge, blame, love, or lift up, we are doing it to ourselves because there is only one of us.
6. When we forgive, we lift everyone and every experience. We see everyone as spirit and one with God. We see every experience as an act of love or a call for love, and we respond with love.
7. As we walk through each day, we walk in forgiveness. We start each day affirming the truth; we invite the Holy Spirit to help us to see everyone and every experience as the Holy Spirit sees it. We forgive ourselves and others when we forget. We close each day joining with God in remembrance of our true home.
I affirm our joint remembering, this day!
In Joy,
Michael
In the Disappearance of the Universe, we learn that one of the best tools for remembering is to start each day joining with the Holy Spirit. Our Practicing Forgiveness Group has adopted the following 7 Principles for Practicing Forgiveness as a way of joining.
1. In truth, right now, we are one in God. This has always been the truth, and truth never changes. And with truth comes the Peace of God.
2. We must let go of the belief that we are separate from God and separate from each other to experience the Peace of God.
3. When we forgive, we give up thoughts of separation for thoughts of Truth. It is our beliefs that seem to bind us and it is from these beliefs that we are set free.
4. When we forgive, we give a heavenly interpretation for our earthly experience. We see that what we think others did to us never occurred because this earthly experience is just a dream of separation.
5. When we forgive, we affirm our wholeness. We recognize that we are not bodies, we are one spirit. Whether we judge, blame, love, or lift up, we are doing it to ourselves because there is only one of us.
6. When we forgive, we lift everyone and every experience. We see everyone as spirit and one with God. We see every experience as an act of love or a call for love, and we respond with love.
7. As we walk through each day, we walk in forgiveness. We start each day affirming the truth; we invite the Holy Spirit to help us to see everyone and every experience as the Holy Spirit sees it. We forgive ourselves and others when we forget. We close each day joining with God in remembrance of our true home.
I affirm our joint remembering, this day!
In Joy,
Michael
Thursday, February 26, 2009
I forgive you for what I did to myself
My thanks to all who offered their thoughts on the Practicing Forgiveness talk on Sunday! Muchly appreciated. The talk was very well received One of the comments made to me afterwards was that people seemed to gain clarity from the definition we give of forgiveness in our Practicing Forgiveness group:
To FORGIVE means to GIVE a heavenly interpretation FOR our earthly experience.
In essence, to forgive means to see with the eyes of God, and to think with the mind of God. God sees everyone of us as God created us - pure spirit and God knows that every act is an act of love or a call for love, and God always responds with love. Giving a heavenly interpretation for our early experience means we do as God does.
I also heard from people that Level 4 forgiveness - "I forgive you for what I did to myself" - was far out on the deep end for many. The idea that the life you seem to live is really just your dream and that you are home in God...this idea flies against everything we have be taught to be true. The idea that we are the creator of the dream while believing we are a body in the dream - seems far too unbelievable to be true.
The good news is that it doesn't matter whether you believe it is true or not. However, if you pretended that it was true...
Imagine the peace that you would carry with you pretending that everything you experience is just a projection you have created for your healing.
Imagine the amount of judgment and anger you could release when you pretended there is no one to get mad at - this person is just a projection you have created. They haven't done anything to you.
Imagine the guilt you could release when thinking about the things YOU have done of which you have felt ashamed and you can say, "When I was doing this I thought it was important to my salvation, but I was mistaken. This is just pointing out an area in me that appears to be in need of healing. I will choose differently when I am ready to wake up and be home in God."
As always, you teach what you need to learn. Oh, the lessons! Oh, the peace.
In Joy,
Michael
To FORGIVE means to GIVE a heavenly interpretation FOR our earthly experience.
In essence, to forgive means to see with the eyes of God, and to think with the mind of God. God sees everyone of us as God created us - pure spirit and God knows that every act is an act of love or a call for love, and God always responds with love. Giving a heavenly interpretation for our early experience means we do as God does.
I also heard from people that Level 4 forgiveness - "I forgive you for what I did to myself" - was far out on the deep end for many. The idea that the life you seem to live is really just your dream and that you are home in God...this idea flies against everything we have be taught to be true. The idea that we are the creator of the dream while believing we are a body in the dream - seems far too unbelievable to be true.
The good news is that it doesn't matter whether you believe it is true or not. However, if you pretended that it was true...
Imagine the peace that you would carry with you pretending that everything you experience is just a projection you have created for your healing.
Imagine the amount of judgment and anger you could release when you pretended there is no one to get mad at - this person is just a projection you have created. They haven't done anything to you.
Imagine the guilt you could release when thinking about the things YOU have done of which you have felt ashamed and you can say, "When I was doing this I thought it was important to my salvation, but I was mistaken. This is just pointing out an area in me that appears to be in need of healing. I will choose differently when I am ready to wake up and be home in God."
As always, you teach what you need to learn. Oh, the lessons! Oh, the peace.
In Joy,
Michael
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Levels of Forgiveness
In preparing for the message I will be delivering on Sunday, I have spent some time thinking about how to differentiate levels of forgiveness. The goal is to help people look at what they believe forgiveness to be and invite them to consider practicing perhaps a higher level of forgiveness in their daily lives. Below is a snapshot of four levels of forgiveness I have experienced in my life.
Level 1
I forgive you for what you did to me…but I won’t forget.
Key belief: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
The sign: I still get upset anytime I think about it
Underlying belief: You were wrong and you are going to hell!
Level 2
I forgive you for what you did to me…because I am supposed to.
Key belief: The Master said, “Turn the other cheek.”
The sign: I still get a little upset when I think about it, but I feel a twinge of guilt because I believe I shouldn’t be feeling this way.
Underlying belief: As a good Christian, I am supposed to forgive and I am supposed to love my enemies. And you were wrong and you are going to hell!
Level 3
I forgive you for what you did to me…because you were just calling for love.
Key belief: I see everything as an act of love or a call for love and I respond with love.
The sign: When I think about the incident, I feel a little sad for you, and hopeful that you may choose differently next time.
Underlying belief: We are all spiritual beings created by the Divine. We do unkind things out of fear, out of a belief in scarcity and lack But this does not change who we are. We are just calling for love.
Level 4
I forgive you for what I DID TO MYSELF.
Key belief: I have projected this for my healing.
The sign: We seek to judge no one. We seek to change no one. Because we know there is no one out there.
Underlying belief: We are really homein God. The life we seem to be living is just a dream made up bya fearful mind. We are the creator ofthe dream, pretending to be a body in the dream. All thefigures in our dreamcome from us. They are acting outfor us.There is no injustice in the world, because we arecreating it all. Why do we create it? Sowe can blame someone else for what we are doing to ourselves. The ones we see and want to judge aresimply representative ofareas in us that needhealing. We heal by forgiving the imagesin the dream. If they are not guilty,then we are not guilty. As we forgiveothers, we forgive ourselves for what hasn’t really happened. And all that is left is the innocence of theHoly Spirit – our memory of our truehome.
My experience has been that I flip-flop between the levels, sometimes in the same week, often in the same day, same hour, and even the same conversation! Making practicing forgiveness a daily part of my life has helped to make me more aware of the daily acts of merciless judgment that peppers my thoughts, words and deeds. Interestingly enough: one way I know I'm getting better is that I'm seeing my judgment more often!
I welcome your thoughts on these four levels...especially before Sunday!
In Joy,
Michael
Level 1
I forgive you for what you did to me…but I won’t forget.
Key belief: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
The sign: I still get upset anytime I think about it
Underlying belief: You were wrong and you are going to hell!
Level 2
I forgive you for what you did to me…because I am supposed to.
Key belief: The Master said, “Turn the other cheek.”
The sign: I still get a little upset when I think about it, but I feel a twinge of guilt because I believe I shouldn’t be feeling this way.
Underlying belief: As a good Christian, I am supposed to forgive and I am supposed to love my enemies. And you were wrong and you are going to hell!
Level 3
I forgive you for what you did to me…because you were just calling for love.
Key belief: I see everything as an act of love or a call for love and I respond with love.
The sign: When I think about the incident, I feel a little sad for you, and hopeful that you may choose differently next time.
Underlying belief: We are all spiritual beings created by the Divine. We do unkind things out of fear, out of a belief in scarcity and lack But this does not change who we are. We are just calling for love.
Level 4
I forgive you for what I DID TO MYSELF.
Key belief: I have projected this for my healing.
The sign: We seek to judge no one. We seek to change no one. Because we know there is no one out there.
Underlying belief: We are really homein God. The life we seem to be living is just a dream made up bya fearful mind. We are the creator ofthe dream, pretending to be a body in the dream. All thefigures in our dreamcome from us. They are acting outfor us.There is no injustice in the world, because we arecreating it all. Why do we create it? Sowe can blame someone else for what we are doing to ourselves. The ones we see and want to judge aresimply representative ofareas in us that needhealing. We heal by forgiving the imagesin the dream. If they are not guilty,then we are not guilty. As we forgiveothers, we forgive ourselves for what hasn’t really happened. And all that is left is the innocence of theHoly Spirit – our memory of our truehome.
My experience has been that I flip-flop between the levels, sometimes in the same week, often in the same day, same hour, and even the same conversation! Making practicing forgiveness a daily part of my life has helped to make me more aware of the daily acts of merciless judgment that peppers my thoughts, words and deeds. Interestingly enough: one way I know I'm getting better is that I'm seeing my judgment more often!
I welcome your thoughts on these four levels...especially before Sunday!
In Joy,
Michael
Thursday, February 12, 2009
What happens when people feel your judgment more than they feel your love?
What happens when people feel your judgment more than they feel your love?
One of the things that practicing forgiveness is doing is making me more aware -- and often painfully so -- how much my judgment gets in the way of people experiencing the love I have for them. What do I mean? Well, in some ways, this practicing forgiveness stuff can seem pretty theoretical, pie-in-the-sky, metaphysical stuff:
This is my dream. All the figures in the dream are no more than a projection from the one mind that is projecting them. What I am seeing is what is in my unconscious mind so I can make it seem like others are guilty and so I can avoid having to deal with the tremendous guilt I feel about the seeming separation from God.
On the other hand, it is amazingly practical, down-to-earth, and immediate:
I can experience the peace of God RIGHT NOW by recognizing that every thing that anyone does is either an act of love or a call for love, and I respond with love. I can feel peace RIGHT NOW because I remember my and your true home and I see every situation as it really is.
For me, the "immediate" takes the form of my biggest forgiveness lessons which tend to take place at work and at home. I am naturally a teacher and often think I see ways that people could improve their lives and situations. (Of course I am only teaching myself!) Unfortunately, with someone who is focused on seeing ways to correct challenges, other people often experience it as judgment, and...
What happens when people feel your judgment more than they feel your love?
So to help remind myself to focus on the good, I have a sign on my desk "Whom did you praise today?" It helps, when I look at it!
The other day I had to deliver constructive feedback to an employee whose lack of follow-through was impacting clients and our internal team. My wife reminded me before the conversation to praise first. (Oh how well she knows me.) And her reminder? I promptly forgot.
So, half-way through the conversation with the team member -- which for some reason wasn't going well (any ideas why?) -- I remembered...
What happens when people feel your judgment more than they feel your love?
When I spent a minute speaking about the things that the team member was doing well, the conversation changed instantly. This put me in the space where I was offering to the team member how to get even better rather than pointing out what wasn't being done. This also put me in a space of not buying into the dream and saying that my happiness and my peace was dependent upon the team member changing.
And I forgave myself for forgetting.
In Joy,
Michael
One of the things that practicing forgiveness is doing is making me more aware -- and often painfully so -- how much my judgment gets in the way of people experiencing the love I have for them. What do I mean? Well, in some ways, this practicing forgiveness stuff can seem pretty theoretical, pie-in-the-sky, metaphysical stuff:
This is my dream. All the figures in the dream are no more than a projection from the one mind that is projecting them. What I am seeing is what is in my unconscious mind so I can make it seem like others are guilty and so I can avoid having to deal with the tremendous guilt I feel about the seeming separation from God.
On the other hand, it is amazingly practical, down-to-earth, and immediate:
I can experience the peace of God RIGHT NOW by recognizing that every thing that anyone does is either an act of love or a call for love, and I respond with love. I can feel peace RIGHT NOW because I remember my and your true home and I see every situation as it really is.
For me, the "immediate" takes the form of my biggest forgiveness lessons which tend to take place at work and at home. I am naturally a teacher and often think I see ways that people could improve their lives and situations. (Of course I am only teaching myself!) Unfortunately, with someone who is focused on seeing ways to correct challenges, other people often experience it as judgment, and...
What happens when people feel your judgment more than they feel your love?
So to help remind myself to focus on the good, I have a sign on my desk "Whom did you praise today?" It helps, when I look at it!
The other day I had to deliver constructive feedback to an employee whose lack of follow-through was impacting clients and our internal team. My wife reminded me before the conversation to praise first. (Oh how well she knows me.) And her reminder? I promptly forgot.
So, half-way through the conversation with the team member -- which for some reason wasn't going well (any ideas why?) -- I remembered...
What happens when people feel your judgment more than they feel your love?
When I spent a minute speaking about the things that the team member was doing well, the conversation changed instantly. This put me in the space where I was offering to the team member how to get even better rather than pointing out what wasn't being done. This also put me in a space of not buying into the dream and saying that my happiness and my peace was dependent upon the team member changing.
And I forgave myself for forgetting.
In Joy,
Michael
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
I could see peace instead of this.
I could see peace instead of this.
For those who are doing or have done the workbook lessons of A Course in Miracles (365 lessons - one for each day of the year), you will recognize yesterday's focus, Lesson #34: I could see peace instead of this. This has always been one of the more powerful lessons for me. Like few other lessons, it's insightful yet convicting message seems to always stay with me through out the day.
As I'm driving to work feeling a bit rushed...I remember that I could see peace instead of this.
After expressing my impatience with a co-worker...I could see peace instead of this.
As I think about the potential impact of the economy on our business ... I could see peace instead of this.
As I'm helping a passive-aggressive child with her homework...I could see peace instead of this.
As I'm feeling the pressure of a big assignment tomorrow...I could see peace instead of this.
And often, just saying it or just thinking it or just writing it, I feel peace as I remember my home with God.
May we all see peace this day, instead of...
In Joy,
Michael
For those who are doing or have done the workbook lessons of A Course in Miracles (365 lessons - one for each day of the year), you will recognize yesterday's focus, Lesson #34: I could see peace instead of this. This has always been one of the more powerful lessons for me. Like few other lessons, it's insightful yet convicting message seems to always stay with me through out the day.
As I'm driving to work feeling a bit rushed...I remember that I could see peace instead of this.
After expressing my impatience with a co-worker...I could see peace instead of this.
As I think about the potential impact of the economy on our business ... I could see peace instead of this.
As I'm helping a passive-aggressive child with her homework...I could see peace instead of this.
As I'm feeling the pressure of a big assignment tomorrow...I could see peace instead of this.
And often, just saying it or just thinking it or just writing it, I feel peace as I remember my home with God.
May we all see peace this day, instead of...
In Joy,
Michael
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Be the Facilitator
I hope throughout the beginning of this new year - with all the historic change and economic unrest - you have been able to find your center and keep the peace that comes with forgiveness.
I haven't! And I forgive myself.
In my daily work life, I often serve as an outside facilitator guiding executive groups through a process - such as strategic planning - to help them achieve a desired end. In the role of facilitator, I work hard to be non-judmental, accepting of every contribution, projecting love and peace to even the most cantakerous participant. As a facilitator, I strive never to take anything any participant says personally. In those rare instances when I am attacked, my only goal is to redirect that energy to a positive outcome that helps the group.
Oh, if I could only be a "facilitator" in my personal life and other parts of my professional life!
I am a member of a Vistage group - 11 CEOs who meet monthly to grow together in our roles and to advise each other on various issues facing our companies. The other day I was on the hot seat as the group "helped" me address the issue I have with a constantly over-scheduled calendar. While some in the group would say I was very defensive in the discussion, I thought of it as wanting to make sure my fellow CEOs fully understood the situation. (Yes, my self-deception continues!) It was clearly a difficult and challenging discussion for all involved as I was trying to get them to understand and they were trying to get me to understand.
On reflection that night, I realized if I had only taken the "facilitator" role...if I had only stepped back and affirmed everyone who was sharing information to help me...whether I thought at the time it was helpful or not...if my only purpose was to say thank you and ask clarifying questions...what a different conversation it would have been!
Choose once again.
I'm excited and looking forward to the next opportunity my ego script gives me to "be the facilitator." I'm sure it will come soon. Pray with me as I keep affirming "Be the facilitator...be the facilitator...be the facilitator...and forgive."
In Joy,
Michael
I haven't! And I forgive myself.
In my daily work life, I often serve as an outside facilitator guiding executive groups through a process - such as strategic planning - to help them achieve a desired end. In the role of facilitator, I work hard to be non-judmental, accepting of every contribution, projecting love and peace to even the most cantakerous participant. As a facilitator, I strive never to take anything any participant says personally. In those rare instances when I am attacked, my only goal is to redirect that energy to a positive outcome that helps the group.
Oh, if I could only be a "facilitator" in my personal life and other parts of my professional life!
I am a member of a Vistage group - 11 CEOs who meet monthly to grow together in our roles and to advise each other on various issues facing our companies. The other day I was on the hot seat as the group "helped" me address the issue I have with a constantly over-scheduled calendar. While some in the group would say I was very defensive in the discussion, I thought of it as wanting to make sure my fellow CEOs fully understood the situation. (Yes, my self-deception continues!) It was clearly a difficult and challenging discussion for all involved as I was trying to get them to understand and they were trying to get me to understand.
On reflection that night, I realized if I had only taken the "facilitator" role...if I had only stepped back and affirmed everyone who was sharing information to help me...whether I thought at the time it was helpful or not...if my only purpose was to say thank you and ask clarifying questions...what a different conversation it would have been!
Choose once again.
I'm excited and looking forward to the next opportunity my ego script gives me to "be the facilitator." I'm sure it will come soon. Pray with me as I keep affirming "Be the facilitator...be the facilitator...be the facilitator...and forgive."
In Joy,
Michael
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