What happens when people feel your judgment more than they feel your love?

What happens when people feel your judgment more than they feel your love?

One of the things that practicing forgiveness is doing is making me more aware -- and often painfully so -- how much my judgment gets in the way of people experiencing the love I have for them. What do I mean? Well, in some ways, this practicing forgiveness stuff can seem pretty theoretical, pie-in-the-sky, metaphysical stuff:
This is my dream. All the figures in the dream are no more than a projection from the one mind that is projecting them. What I am seeing is what is in my unconscious mind so I can make it seem like others are guilty and so I can avoid having to deal with the tremendous guilt I feel about the seeming separation from God.
On the other hand, it is amazingly practical, down-to-earth, and immediate:
I can experience the peace of God RIGHT NOW by recognizing that every thing that anyone does is either an act of love or a call for love, and I respond with love. I can feel peace RIGHT NOW because I remember my and your true home and I see every situation as it really is.
For me, the "immediate" takes the form of my biggest forgiveness lessons which tend to take place at work and at home. I am naturally a teacher and often think I see ways that people could improve their lives and situations. (Of course I am only teaching myself!) Unfortunately, with someone who is focused on seeing ways to correct challenges, other people often experience it as judgment, and...

What happens when people feel your judgment more than they feel your love?

So to help remind myself to focus on the good, I have a sign on my desk "Whom did you praise today?" It helps, when I look at it!

The other day I had to deliver constructive feedback to an employee whose lack of follow-through was impacting clients and our internal team. My wife reminded me before the conversation to praise first. (Oh how well she knows me.) And her reminder? I promptly forgot.

So, half-way through the conversation with the team member -- which for some reason wasn't going well (any ideas why?) -- I remembered...

What happens when people feel your judgment more than they feel your love?

When I spent a minute speaking about the things that the team member was doing well, the conversation changed instantly. This put me in the space where I was offering to the team member how to get even better rather than pointing out what wasn't being done. This also put me in a space of not buying into the dream and saying that my happiness and my peace was dependent upon the team member changing.

And I forgave myself for forgetting.

In Joy,

Michael