The Attention Grabber

One of the great things for me about participating in the practicing forgiveness group and sending these emails is that these activities help keep the idea of forgiveness in my awareness. A Course in Miracles calls it being "miracle ready." So when a situation calls for forgiveness, at least I'm more likely to recognize it.

Like the other day.

I was on a nine-seater airplane going from Boston to Vermont for my 30th college reunion. You know you are on a small plane when they weigh your carry-on bag and ask for your weight! There was the pilot and 5 passengers. Four passengers were associated with the college and we spent the early part of the 60-minute flight learning about each other and talking about the college. The fifth passenger was seated alone behind me and she announced about 10 minutes into the flight, "That's not fair. No one's talking to me."

Of course, the forgiving thing to do would have been to say something like, "I'm sorry, we didn't mean to exclude you. Please join in." Yet my first thought was judgment, "How rude of this 30-something princess who is obviously used to being the center of attention." And of course, judgment seeks out justification. And so when her entire conversation centered on her and her experiences, without any interest in learning about any of us, I felt confirmed in my judgment. The others slowly drifted out of the conversation, leaving me to "interact" with our fifth passenger.

And then I caught myself.

When I find myself judging, one of my favorite reminders is, "Jesus would have no problem with this person, so why am I?" It's a wake-up call and a reminder that everything anyone of us does is either an act of love or a call for love, and we respond with love. (Further, since this is my dream, her call for love is really my call for love.)

When I began seeing this person as a child of God and (not a snotty-nosed, selfish kid) my desire to judge melted away and my only desire was to support. I found myself asking her, "Why don't you ask me about me?" She smiled as if remembering, "Right, that is important to do." The conversation transformed from a one-way monologue to an actual dialogue.

As the flight continued, so did my lesson.

There is no bathroom on a nine-seater plane. About 30 minutes before landing, she announced to everyone that she had a urinary tract infection and had to go to the bathroom and couldn't wait and wanted to know what to do. The expressions on the faces of my fellow passengers and the pilot spoke volumes. No one wanted to make an emergency landing. And it was clear that several felt it was, once more, an attention-grabbing action by our fifth passenger. The pilot delicately handled the situation, talked her through the alternatives, and reached a resolution. And behind the broad backs of a couple of the male passengers, she moved to the back of the plane and used a bag for nausea to relieve herself. (Good thing we didn't have to weigh the bag!) While a very uncomfortable situation, she handled it with grace. And I could focus on that instead of the traits I had "seen" in the beginning.

My lesson? When you start with judgment, you look for reasons to confirm your judgment. When you start with love, you look for reasons to confirm love. What you see is indeed based on what you are seeing with. Let's see with love today!

In Joy,

Michael