Judgment

"I am working on my judgment of others, but what bothers me is when other people judge me."

This is a paraphrase from The Disappearance of the Universe (DU) when Gary, who is diligently doing his forgiveness homework, expresses his frustration over other people judging him. Of course, Pursah reminds him that the judgment of others is nothing more than his self judgment - because this is HIS dream, not someone else's. He created the images that are acting out for him. So the judgment he is feeling from others is nothing more than the judgment he feels about himself.

For many of us, it is difficult to accept the "this is your dream" foundation that is critical to understanding non-dualism and also a key to truly experiencing and expressing the unconditional love of God. Yet, even with the understanding we have, we do know that if the judgment of others bothers us, there is healing and forgiveness to be done!

I am working on my judgment of others, but what bothers me is when other people judge me.

I sit on an international board for my profession and over the past several monthly conference calls, I have found my irritation growing over a board member whom I experienced as frequently cutting me off in mid-conversation and expressing directly or implying indirectly that my opinion on a point was irrelevant. Joe and I have different communication styles and place priorities on different things and have disagreed from time to time on policy. At the same time, I have admired Joe for his energy level, thoughtfulness, and relationship building skills.

I was particularly pleased that I felt great about Joe despite the rising irritation. However, as we know from A Course in Miracles, mild irritation is just a mask for compressed rage. And I recognized that I was far from "joining" with my brother...and more and more I was focusing on the unhappy dream of the irritation and less on the happy dream of all that he brings to the board.

So I called him.

"Joe, I think of you as the type of person who is great about recognizing the strengths of others and helping people feel good about themselves. I'm concerned because over the last few board meetings, I've walked away feeling less about myself. I've walked away feeling like my opinion didn't count to you and my words were irrelevant. Can we talk about this because I'm concerned I may have done something that caused this."

We joined. And it was a highly healing moment as I got to see his view and his intentions and he got to see mine. We found the areas of tension and both agreed we didn't want them. We honored each other and identified a "code word" we would use in board meetings when either of us felt the tension between us rising. My biggest learning was that it would be helpful for me to step back - even in a board meeting - and say, "I'm feeling cut-off here and that my opinion doesn't matter. Is it okay if we take a little more time on this?"

By the end of the conversation, we gave one another virtual hugs through the phone line. And I'm actually looking forward to our next board meeting!

In Joy,
Michael