One of the great things for me about participating in the practicing forgiveness group and sending these emails is that these activities help keep the idea of forgiveness in my awareness. A Course in Miracles calls it being "miracle ready." So when a situation calls for forgiveness, at least I'm more likely to recognize it.
Like the other day.
I was on a nine-seater airplane going from Boston to Vermont for my 30th college reunion. You know you are on a small plane when they weigh your carry-on bag and ask for your weight! There was the pilot and 5 passengers. Four passengers were associated with the college and we spent the early part of the 60-minute flight learning about each other and talking about the college. The fifth passenger was seated alone behind me and she announced about 10 minutes into the flight, "That's not fair. No one's talking to me."
Of course, the forgiving thing to do would have been to say something like, "I'm sorry, we didn't mean to exclude you. Please join in." Yet my first thought was judgment, "How rude of this 30-something princess who is obviously used to being the center of attention." And of course, judgment seeks out justification. And so when her entire conversation centered on her and her experiences, without any interest in learning about any of us, I felt confirmed in my judgment. The others slowly drifted out of the conversation, leaving me to "interact" with our fifth passenger.
And then I caught myself.
When I find myself judging, one of my favorite reminders is, "Jesus would have no problem with this person, so why am I?" It's a wake-up call and a reminder that everything anyone of us does is either an act of love or a call for love, and we respond with love. (Further, since this is my dream, her call for love is really my call for love.)
When I began seeing this person as a child of God and (not a snotty-nosed, selfish kid) my desire to judge melted away and my only desire was to support. I found myself asking her, "Why don't you ask me about me?" She smiled as if remembering, "Right, that is important to do." The conversation transformed from a one-way monologue to an actual dialogue.
As the flight continued, so did my lesson.
There is no bathroom on a nine-seater plane. About 30 minutes before landing, she announced to everyone that she had a urinary tract infection and had to go to the bathroom and couldn't wait and wanted to know what to do. The expressions on the faces of my fellow passengers and the pilot spoke volumes. No one wanted to make an emergency landing. And it was clear that several felt it was, once more, an attention-grabbing action by our fifth passenger. The pilot delicately handled the situation, talked her through the alternatives, and reached a resolution. And behind the broad backs of a couple of the male passengers, she moved to the back of the plane and used a bag for nausea to relieve herself. (Good thing we didn't have to weigh the bag!) While a very uncomfortable situation, she handled it with grace. And I could focus on that instead of the traits I had "seen" in the beginning.
My lesson? When you start with judgment, you look for reasons to confirm your judgment. When you start with love, you look for reasons to confirm love. What you see is indeed based on what you are seeing with. Let's see with love today!
In Joy,
Michael
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Best forgiveness practices
Good Morning!
What are your best practices for forgiveness?
A couple of weeks ago in the Practicing Forgiveness group, we identified our best strategies for practicing forgiveness. We were answering the question, "When you find yourself in a situation which calls for forgiveness, what are some of the things you do?"
I thought you might find the responses helpful.
For some of us, it’s about remembering or changing our thinking
• Repeat an affirmation, “I trust that these circumstances are leading to my wholeness”
• Remember, “I could see peace instead of this”
• Remember, “Seek not to change the person. Just change your mind about the person.”
• When I think someone should change, I think about how I could change my thoughts
• Remember, “Everything is either an act of love or a call for love. And I respond with love.”
• Remember, “I have projected this for my healing.”
• Remember, “Love lets go of everything that is unlike itself.”
• Remember, “Jesus would not have a problem with this person, and so why do I?”
• When judging someone, I’ll suddenly realize I should send them love instead
• When I get frustrated, I ask myself who is being harmed by my frustration
• Give the forgiveness blessing from Your Immortal Reality: “You are spirit, whole and innocent. All is forgiven and released.”
• Repeat the forgiveness thought process from Disappearance of the Universe: “You are not really there. If I thing you are guilty and the cause of the problem, and if I made you up, then the imagined guilt and sin must be in me. But since the separation from God never occurred, then I forgive 'both' of us for what we haven't done. Now there is only innocence and I join with the Holy Spirit in peace.”
For others it is about listening, reading, or writing
• While whining about what someone “did to me”, I’ll hear a small voice say the truth, “Did they really?”
• Wait patiently for guidance
• Read, especially A Course in Miracles
• Read spiritual literature
• Journal in the Voice of the Holy Spirit talking to me
• Write a poem
• Write what I don’t like, and own it
And still with others, it’s time for action!
• Help someone in need
• Get listened to
• When I want someone to go away, I smile and truly listen to them
• Pray, talk to God
• Ask, "What should I do?"
• Just release and affirm self-love and acceptance
• Breathe and go into “Don’t know”
• Draw an altar and write an issue on it
• Trust, have faith
I hope you may find one or more strategies to add to your list of best practices for practicing forgiveness as a daily way of life!
In Joy,
Michael
What are your best practices for forgiveness?
A couple of weeks ago in the Practicing Forgiveness group, we identified our best strategies for practicing forgiveness. We were answering the question, "When you find yourself in a situation which calls for forgiveness, what are some of the things you do?"
I thought you might find the responses helpful.
For some of us, it’s about remembering or changing our thinking
• Repeat an affirmation, “I trust that these circumstances are leading to my wholeness”
• Remember, “I could see peace instead of this”
• Remember, “Seek not to change the person. Just change your mind about the person.”
• When I think someone should change, I think about how I could change my thoughts
• Remember, “Everything is either an act of love or a call for love. And I respond with love.”
• Remember, “I have projected this for my healing.”
• Remember, “Love lets go of everything that is unlike itself.”
• Remember, “Jesus would not have a problem with this person, and so why do I?”
• When judging someone, I’ll suddenly realize I should send them love instead
• When I get frustrated, I ask myself who is being harmed by my frustration
• Give the forgiveness blessing from Your Immortal Reality: “You are spirit, whole and innocent. All is forgiven and released.”
• Repeat the forgiveness thought process from Disappearance of the Universe: “You are not really there. If I thing you are guilty and the cause of the problem, and if I made you up, then the imagined guilt and sin must be in me. But since the separation from God never occurred, then I forgive 'both' of us for what we haven't done. Now there is only innocence and I join with the Holy Spirit in peace.”
For others it is about listening, reading, or writing
• While whining about what someone “did to me”, I’ll hear a small voice say the truth, “Did they really?”
• Wait patiently for guidance
• Read, especially A Course in Miracles
• Read spiritual literature
• Journal in the Voice of the Holy Spirit talking to me
• Write a poem
• Write what I don’t like, and own it
And still with others, it’s time for action!
• Help someone in need
• Get listened to
• When I want someone to go away, I smile and truly listen to them
• Pray, talk to God
• Ask, "What should I do?"
• Just release and affirm self-love and acceptance
• Breathe and go into “Don’t know”
• Draw an altar and write an issue on it
• Trust, have faith
I hope you may find one or more strategies to add to your list of best practices for practicing forgiveness as a daily way of life!
In Joy,
Michael
Thursday, June 11, 2009
I know I need to forgive when...
I know I need to forgive when...
Do you remember the Jeff Foxworthy comedy routine, "You know you are a red neck if..."? Well we had some fun in a recent Practicing Forgiveness class when we answered the question, "I know I need to forgive when..." What was really fun was when several us of had the same answers! I've grouped the answers below. How many of these are true for you?
I know I need to forgive when...
My Focus
• My thoughts are focused on negative
• I'm focused on the unhappy dream
• I am obsessed
• I'm not present
• Being listen to by someone doesn't stop my mind's examination
• I rerun a conversation 10 times
• I plan strategies and replies
• I play a victim song in my head
• I can't wait to "share" my experience of being a victim
Negativity/Fear
• I am scared
• I get frustrated
• I am anxious
• I am angry or upset
• I'm yelling at someone I love
• I'm yelling
It's About Them
• I want the other person to change
• I'm judging someone else
• I'm seeing someone else as the problem
• I want someone else to go away
Activity
• I'm rushing to get to work on time
• I'm doing things that I know aren't in my best interest
Do you see yourself in this list or do you have your own special signs that say to you that forgiveness is the need? And what do you do when you know you need to forgive? What are your best strategies for remembering to forgive and for addressing your need to forgive? In an upcoming message I look forward to sharing best practices for forgiveness that members of the Practicing Forgiveness group said they used.
May this day be filled with our remembering the important role we play in God's plan for salvation and forgiveness!
In Joy,
Michael
Do you remember the Jeff Foxworthy comedy routine, "You know you are a red neck if..."? Well we had some fun in a recent Practicing Forgiveness class when we answered the question, "I know I need to forgive when..." What was really fun was when several us of had the same answers! I've grouped the answers below. How many of these are true for you?
I know I need to forgive when...
My Focus
• My thoughts are focused on negative
• I'm focused on the unhappy dream
• I am obsessed
• I'm not present
• Being listen to by someone doesn't stop my mind's examination
• I rerun a conversation 10 times
• I plan strategies and replies
• I play a victim song in my head
• I can't wait to "share" my experience of being a victim
Negativity/Fear
• I am scared
• I get frustrated
• I am anxious
• I am angry or upset
• I'm yelling at someone I love
• I'm yelling
It's About Them
• I want the other person to change
• I'm judging someone else
• I'm seeing someone else as the problem
• I want someone else to go away
Activity
• I'm rushing to get to work on time
• I'm doing things that I know aren't in my best interest
Do you see yourself in this list or do you have your own special signs that say to you that forgiveness is the need? And what do you do when you know you need to forgive? What are your best strategies for remembering to forgive and for addressing your need to forgive? In an upcoming message I look forward to sharing best practices for forgiveness that members of the Practicing Forgiveness group said they used.
May this day be filled with our remembering the important role we play in God's plan for salvation and forgiveness!
In Joy,
Michael
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Judgment
"I am working on my judgment of others, but what bothers me is when other people judge me."
This is a paraphrase from The Disappearance of the Universe (DU) when Gary, who is diligently doing his forgiveness homework, expresses his frustration over other people judging him. Of course, Pursah reminds him that the judgment of others is nothing more than his self judgment - because this is HIS dream, not someone else's. He created the images that are acting out for him. So the judgment he is feeling from others is nothing more than the judgment he feels about himself.
For many of us, it is difficult to accept the "this is your dream" foundation that is critical to understanding non-dualism and also a key to truly experiencing and expressing the unconditional love of God. Yet, even with the understanding we have, we do know that if the judgment of others bothers us, there is healing and forgiveness to be done!
I am working on my judgment of others, but what bothers me is when other people judge me.
I sit on an international board for my profession and over the past several monthly conference calls, I have found my irritation growing over a board member whom I experienced as frequently cutting me off in mid-conversation and expressing directly or implying indirectly that my opinion on a point was irrelevant. Joe and I have different communication styles and place priorities on different things and have disagreed from time to time on policy. At the same time, I have admired Joe for his energy level, thoughtfulness, and relationship building skills.
I was particularly pleased that I felt great about Joe despite the rising irritation. However, as we know from A Course in Miracles, mild irritation is just a mask for compressed rage. And I recognized that I was far from "joining" with my brother...and more and more I was focusing on the unhappy dream of the irritation and less on the happy dream of all that he brings to the board.
So I called him.
"Joe, I think of you as the type of person who is great about recognizing the strengths of others and helping people feel good about themselves. I'm concerned because over the last few board meetings, I've walked away feeling less about myself. I've walked away feeling like my opinion didn't count to you and my words were irrelevant. Can we talk about this because I'm concerned I may have done something that caused this."
We joined. And it was a highly healing moment as I got to see his view and his intentions and he got to see mine. We found the areas of tension and both agreed we didn't want them. We honored each other and identified a "code word" we would use in board meetings when either of us felt the tension between us rising. My biggest learning was that it would be helpful for me to step back - even in a board meeting - and say, "I'm feeling cut-off here and that my opinion doesn't matter. Is it okay if we take a little more time on this?"
By the end of the conversation, we gave one another virtual hugs through the phone line. And I'm actually looking forward to our next board meeting!
In Joy,
Michael
This is a paraphrase from The Disappearance of the Universe (DU) when Gary, who is diligently doing his forgiveness homework, expresses his frustration over other people judging him. Of course, Pursah reminds him that the judgment of others is nothing more than his self judgment - because this is HIS dream, not someone else's. He created the images that are acting out for him. So the judgment he is feeling from others is nothing more than the judgment he feels about himself.
For many of us, it is difficult to accept the "this is your dream" foundation that is critical to understanding non-dualism and also a key to truly experiencing and expressing the unconditional love of God. Yet, even with the understanding we have, we do know that if the judgment of others bothers us, there is healing and forgiveness to be done!
I am working on my judgment of others, but what bothers me is when other people judge me.
I sit on an international board for my profession and over the past several monthly conference calls, I have found my irritation growing over a board member whom I experienced as frequently cutting me off in mid-conversation and expressing directly or implying indirectly that my opinion on a point was irrelevant. Joe and I have different communication styles and place priorities on different things and have disagreed from time to time on policy. At the same time, I have admired Joe for his energy level, thoughtfulness, and relationship building skills.
I was particularly pleased that I felt great about Joe despite the rising irritation. However, as we know from A Course in Miracles, mild irritation is just a mask for compressed rage. And I recognized that I was far from "joining" with my brother...and more and more I was focusing on the unhappy dream of the irritation and less on the happy dream of all that he brings to the board.
So I called him.
"Joe, I think of you as the type of person who is great about recognizing the strengths of others and helping people feel good about themselves. I'm concerned because over the last few board meetings, I've walked away feeling less about myself. I've walked away feeling like my opinion didn't count to you and my words were irrelevant. Can we talk about this because I'm concerned I may have done something that caused this."
We joined. And it was a highly healing moment as I got to see his view and his intentions and he got to see mine. We found the areas of tension and both agreed we didn't want them. We honored each other and identified a "code word" we would use in board meetings when either of us felt the tension between us rising. My biggest learning was that it would be helpful for me to step back - even in a board meeting - and say, "I'm feeling cut-off here and that my opinion doesn't matter. Is it okay if we take a little more time on this?"
By the end of the conversation, we gave one another virtual hugs through the phone line. And I'm actually looking forward to our next board meeting!
In Joy,
Michael
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