The Ego's Plan for Salvation

The Practicing Forgiveness Group is study Chapter 5 of the Disappearance of the Universe (see the attached). This is one of those ultra-challenging chapters. The focus is on looking at the ego's plan for our salvation - a topic no one's ego would really want to examine. The chapter is "in your face" about how we feel immense guilt, fear, and terror based on our belief that we have separated ourselves from God. And to avoid this guilt we have created an entire world so that we can blame everyone else for the condition we find ourselves in.

Now in my life time I have met many people who I have looked at (read that, judged) and felt that they were just plain angry at themselves and took it out on everyone else by blaming anyone and everyone for their predicament. That is, everyone but themselves - the real cause of their predicament. And I would wonder, why wouldn't they just take a look in the mirror?

This chapter is making me look in my own mirror. I think about the little repeated patterns and I see, once I examine them a little, just how fearful I am to look at them really.

An easy one to talk about is how busy I seem to be. One of my strategies to try to stay on top of things is to keep an action list - a single one - with all the things I plan to do. This was the easy part. Then I would force myself to put dates on when I would actually DO THEM - not when they were due by, but when I planned to sit down and do each action.

There was so much anxiety around doing this, that when I examined it I realized the problem was that if I put dates to things, I would have to admit that I couldn't possibly get everything done. This is so threatening to my ego, that I still sometimes go to extreme ends NOT to schedule my time - even though I know it would be very helpful.

Ah, the ego. And I forgive myself.